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Tuesday on the Soapbox

My Fading Love Affair with Processed Food

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As an adult picky eater (and I do mean picky), the simple process of eating has been ridiculously hard most of my life. Thus, when I find the rare food item that I really enjoy (i.e., food that tastes great, has a good texture, and doesn’t make my tummy roar at me later), I tend to stick with it.

But over the last few months, I have observed with distress as my taste buds have slowly turned away from once-favorite foods. The common denominator between all these foods? All of them are processed within an inch of their lives.

The First Sign: Fast Food is No Longer My Friend

At first, I thought I was just reacting to a lower quality of food in my local fast food restaurants. First, the beef at Taco Bell started tasting “off,” as if it had been kept too long in the fridge. Then, the meat on McDonald’s burgers started tasting and feeling like crumbling shoe leather in my mouth. Other food quality issues arose afterwards, and soon I was even pickier than usual at all the local fast-food places.

I thought it was strange, but I tried to work around the “new” rules of my picky taste buds. No more McDonald’s meat, no more ground beef tacos, etc…

But Fast Food is Not the Only Issue

…Unfortunately, the pickiness did not stop there. I began eating less of the American sliced cheese I had loved since childhood, simply because it didn’t really taste like cheese anymore. There was an odd, plastic-y overtone to the taste, which I had never detected before–and it was utterly disgusting. Even switching cheese brands didn’t seem to help. I still liked cheese, most definitely, but the sliced cheese product didn’t suit anymore.

Not to mention that many of my favorite boxed meals from the grocery store started tasting funny. For instance, I used to live on Velveeta shells-n-cheese, yet I began getting sick at the taste–both the cheese and the pasta sometimes tasted like plastic to me. It didn’t seem like just being tired of eating a certain dish, since I try to switch up my food choices as much as possible. It just seemed that certain foods, which all happened to be processed, didn’t taste right anymore.

The Result: One Hungry Tummy

It seemed like all my favorite foods, all my go-to foods when going out to eat, were vanishing off my “favorite” list, one by one. And it was not the biggest list in the world to start out with, because of my lifelong issues with food texture (and a strong gag reflex that gets set off at the slightest thing). When 70% of “adult food” is off-limits because of pickiness, and 95% of what you DO like has suddenly become anathema, what DO you eat?

That was the burning question, and it still is. In desperation, I’ve gone back to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, basic breads and pastas, or anything that doesn’t have the awful processed taste in such abundance. Yet I still walk around hungry most of the time, as if what I’m eating isn’t providing me with any nourishment.

Most people who look at me would think I eat all the time, to be the size that I am (flirting with 300 pounds at the moment). But instead, I eat significantly LESS than all my skinny, less picky friends, and I simply stay hungry–so much so that I have had low blood sugar attacks due to the reduced food intake. I WANT to eat, but almost nothing appeals to me anymore. And I have begun to suspect that the “plastic” taste and texture which has become so revolting to me is actually the result of processing food for longer shelf life.

Where to Go from Here?

Since my taste buds have apparently shifted allegiances for good, I honestly don’t know what to do with them anymore. Most of my favorite foods date back to childhood, and it’s frankly disconcerting to suddenly dislike foods that I remember loving and indulging in. Not to mention that these foods have sustained me while I avoided all sorts of other “normal” adult food.

Quite simply, I find myself at a loss every time I get hungry, because I have no idea what my taste buds will accept and what they won’t accept. And since I hate wasting money on food that I won’t end up eating, it makes it difficult to try new foods. It feels suspiciously like being caught between a rock and a hard place.

An Odd Side Note: Lettuce is a New Food Friend?

Yet, in the midst of all this loss, I have noticed something strange–I find myself thinking longingly of dishes like dark green Romaine lettuce with ranch dressing. For anyone who knows me, this is WAYYYYYY out of character; I historically have avoided most lettuce because it just tastes like crunchy paper soaked in water. Yet recently, the darker green lettuce types have become more appealing to me, as have spinach (when blended with cheese) and scallions. I also have no idea why this is happening, either, only that it began around the same time processed food began tasting strange to me.

Is This My Body’s Way of Saying “Eat Healthy?”

I honestly don’t know what to make of all this change in my appetite. Has anyone else experienced a sudden negative reaction to processed foods after eating them most of their lives? Or has anyone experienced a sudden positive reaction to lettuce and other “healthy” foods? I’d be glad to hear about it in the comments!

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Armchair Critics: A Pet Peeve Personified

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Too many times, I’ve seen it happen: a person who can’t dance criticizes a dancer at a competition, saying “Even I could do better than her! She’s awful!” Or somebody snickers at a singer on The Voice or American Idol, calling the person “terrible” even though they themselves have never taken any formal voice lessons. These kind of people irritate me no end–I call them “armchair critics,” because they make negative judgments without knowing the least little bit of what they’re criticizing.

These days, however, I’m seeing another type of armchair critic–the fiction armchair critics, lobbing fireballs of negativity at both book and author, despite never having attempted writing any kind of fiction themselves. Much of the criticism surrounding books like the Twilight series and the 50 Shades series seems to fall into this category, at least for me.

As a budding novelist and holder of a Bachelor’s degree in English, I am accustomed to criticizing literature in an academic sense; I freely admit that neither of these mentioned book series are exactly the heights of literature. But let’s set aside opinions about books of this type for a second and think about the principle behind negative, biased, non-academic criticism. How much sense does it make to criticize someone else for doing something you’ve never attempted and therefore know nothing about?

To me, it makes no sense at all. It’s almost as if the armchair critics believe that their criticism will make a quality book magically appear–they toss their criticism far and wide on the Internet, decrying the books they dislike as “wastes of paper,” etc., yet I don’t see them writing any “quality” literature for us to read instead.

Thoughtful Criticism: More Than Just Opinions

I believe that if we are to offer the best and most thoughtful criticism of anything, we must first have an understanding of the effort and processes behind whatever we’re criticizing. Thus, for criticizing successful fiction, we must first have tried to write successful fiction–we must have grappled with creating a relatable, believable character, must have worked to choose exactly the right words to paint a scene, etc.

Doing so will not only make us more knowledgeable about the work of writing, but more understanding about the struggles of an author. Then, and only then, will we be able to offer an in-depth and HELPFUL critique of an author’s work. That’s part of what criticism is for, anyway–to help someone else better their work.

My Solution: Armchair Critics, Go and Write!

So, here is my solution for all the fiction armchair critics out there: if you think you can write a better book series than Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey, etc., then do so. Start crafting an original idea in your head; create your characters, give them life on the blank page. Mold that storyline so that it conveys the overarching meaning you’re trying to communicate to the audience. Shape those themes, sculpt that imagery–really dig your proverbial fingers in and do the work that you have criticized others for doing so poorly. Experience what it is like to be an author. It’s not as easy as it looks!

If all the people who criticize Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey try out this solution, for instance, then the modern literary world should soon be inundated with a wealth of successful, quality fiction, if the critics’ opinions of themselves are to be believed. (And even if they aren’t successful, at least they will know more about what they’re criticizing!)

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Don’t Feed the (Internet) Trolls

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When I say the word “troll,” you might think of the children’s stories where a troll hides under a bridge, just waiting to surprise and take advantage of innocent passersby. In reality, “trolls” on the Internet are much subtler and more insidious than this.

What Is An Internet Troll?

The definition of an Internet troll is a person who posts inflammatory comments on articles and websites just to start fights or disagreements, not to express a valid opinion. Trolls often take advantage of an already-heated discussion, or pester people who strongly believe in their opinions. Basically, they want to feel important–this is why they do what they do.

What Doesn’t Work: Asking Them to Stop Posting/Arguing With Them

As a victim of many Internet troll attacks over the years, I at first responded to them with bewilderment or anger. I had no idea why they were saying such horrible things to me, nor did I know why they kept coming after me and attacking me. Thus, I kept trying to battle them back with either pleas for them to stop or logic to try to debunk their arguments.

Neither of these tactics works against a troll–it actually just feeds them, giving them more amusement and more fodder for trolling. Remember, they are only doing this for laughs and/or attention. They aren’t interested in your opinion, only your reaction. The larger and more dramatic your reaction, the more they laugh and the more they keep coming back to get it–as I unfortunately found out.

How To Beat Trolls: Ignore Them and Devalue Them

The way to handle and defeat trolls is twofold:

  • Firstly, if you are a member of a forum/website where the troll is posting, ignore the comment entirely. Remember, they just want attention, so don’t give them any.
  • Secondly, if you are an admin of a forum/website where a troll is posting, delete their comment(s) and block their IP address from posting on the board. Don’t make any announcement about it, since you don’t want to draw attention to the troll’s attacks–just do it quietly, as if the troll never even existed.

This strategy may just seem like a revision of the tactic “Ignore them and they’ll go away,” but it’s not. What I’m suggesting is both ignoring and devaluing their commentary, silently telling them that their words are not even important enough to keep around on the Internet, much less react to. This is about the only way to get rid of trolls, because you’re not giving them what they want: a reaction, either for laughs or to make them feel important.

A Final Note: This is Not Cruelty, but Self-Preservation

This may seem cruel; for years I resisted following this course of action, because I felt bad about treating another person this way. But what we have to remember in dealing with trolls is that they are entitled to their opinions, but you are also entitled to yours. On your own forum/website and in your own world, you don’t necessarily have to keep their opinions around to look at, nor do you have to let their comments influence your life.

The bottom line: trolls are basically Internet bullies, and both bullies and trolls are sad, pitiable individuals who try to make themselves feel important by stomping on others. Pity them, sure, but pay no attention to what they say. You’ll have a much better time on the Internet if you do so.

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Why I don’t worry about my eyebrows

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Amid all the beauty articles you’ll see me post every now and again, there’s one topic you’ll never see me cover: eyebrows. You know why? Because I, unlike so many girls and young women my age, have never and will never pluck my eyebrows to shape them. It’s just a part of the typical female beauty routine that I have never adopted.

In thinking about this issue, I realized there was a little more to it than just not liking to pluck eyebrow hairs out. It has more to do with my philosophy of beauty, which is vastly different from the beauty industry’s philosophy of beauty (not to mention society at large). Read on, to find out how a simple pair of eyebrows could make such an elegant point.

How My Brows Actually Look

As evidence of my unplucked eyebrows, I have a few pictures of myself, with no makeup and no retouching:

eyebrow_closeup
Barring the fact that you can tell I haven’t slept right in several years days (LOL), my eyebrows are thick and nearly-black, going almost straight across rather than having the thin, graceful arched shape so coveted in the beauty industry over the last several decades.

Every eyebrow article I read subtly tells me that I, too, should want those perfectly groomed and plucked brows for my own face. It’s almost like your face isn’t “feminine” enough without plucking these hairs out of your face every week, or having them waxed off every few months. But I just haven’t done so. Being as squeamish about pain as I am, it seems ludicrous to inflict such pinching pain on myself for a goal that I’m not even interested in.

Now, why would I not be interested in such a beauty goal? Because when my eyebrows are taken in context with the rest of my face, as seen below without glasses and with glasses…

withoutglasses_small withglasses_small

…they actually look pretty normal, fairly well-scaled to the rest of my facial features. True, they’re thick and straight, and some kids I went to school with used to pick on me for having “guybrows,” but they do what God intended them to–namely, to keep sweat out of my eyes (which is very handy during Zumba).

The Eyebrow Epiphany

I used to think about “getting my brows done” (as it’s usually called), but I don’t anymore. And I think this whole eyebrows thing has led me to an epiphany about beauty:

Beauty is not for other people, but for the self.

If you think about it, it’s true. Each of us are the only ones who know what that makeup product feels like on our faces, what those false lashes feel like when they’re glued to our eyelids, how much those eyebrow hair roots can hurt when they’re plucked out with tweezers. Isn’t it, then, up to us which products we use and which beauty routines we do, rather than depending on someone else to tell us “what we SHOULD be using” and “what we SHOULD be doing?”

And yet, the beauty industry–and modern society as well–does not think that way. In most people’s eyes, beauty products and routines are used to visually impact other people, not to make ourselves happier…in effect, saying that our outward beauty is solely for the visual consumption of others.

I don’t buy into that line of thinking anymore; I’ve had my turn trying to “fit in with the crowd,” beauty-wise, and I just don’t. I would rather spend my time using products and doing routines that make ME feel good about ME. Thus, why I’ve never touched my eyebrows with a tweezer, but instead use hand softeners, scrubs, and lotions to make my hands feel baby-soft after a good workout.

People might even judge me through this blog post, thinking “Why would you ever let yourself look that ugly?” or “You ought to shape your brows, you’d look so much better,” but neither opinion really matters. After all, they’re my brows on my face–if some folks don’t like them, that’s perfectly okay, because my brows are not on their faces and they don’t have to live with them. My beauty routine is for me and me alone, and I think more girls and women have a right to think that way as well.

I’m not saying that we all throw down our tweezers and stomp ’em–if you love to keep your brows groomed and plucked because it makes you feel better, then that’s awesome; keep doing it. But if you’re clinging to old beauty routines and products just because some expert said you ought to or because your friends all do it, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate your beauty thinking and start doing only the things that make you the happiest about your appearance. After all, it’s your appearance–if others don’t like it, they ain’t got to live with it!

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Bloggers Aren’t Real Writers? I BEG to Differ!

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Recently, I caught sight of this picture floating around the Internet, and it admittedly ruffled this little robin’s feathers:

bloggers_arent_real_writers
I retrieved this picture from buzzfeed.com, but it’s all over the internet.

Now, I have censored out the language for propriety’s sake, but what I really took issue with was the last sentence or two: “Bloggers aren’t real writers.”

At the risk of opening myself up to criticism, I’d like to address this viewpoint, because it seems to be shockingly commonplace among most non-bloggers. As a writer who has picked up blogging as a hobby, I find that this acid view of blogging is overly simplistic and based in ignorance rather than truth. I seek to dispel at least some of that ignorance with this post.

#1: All Bloggers Are Not Identical

One cannot categorize “bloggers” as one solid group of people with one fixed set of interests, methods, and talents. That’s like saying “all fruits taste the same” or “all sneakers fit the same on everybody’s feet”–it’s simply not true. People blog about all sorts of things, and they blog in various ways; some use mainly pictures, some use video, and some, like myself, use mainly text to get their point across.

I could potentially understand this person’s perspective if all bloggers just used visual media as their posts; visual media does not require as much text editing and revising. But not all bloggers use pictures and video to the exclusion of all else. I’m a prime example, and I know plenty of other bloggers who produce text-heavy posts as well. Given that, how is text blogging not real writing, when it is primarily carefully-chosen words?

#2: Text Blogging Forces More Careful Editing

Blogging is a time-sensitive form of writing, produced on a schedule and conforming to content demands as well as formatting and time demands. What kind of writing does that sound like? Journalism! And, while blog articles are not always the highest of art forms, producing a good blog article DOES require a certain ruthlessness and discernment in one’s writing and editing process, which most if not all types of writers can benefit from.

For instance, I’ve noticed that I’ve become a much more concise, word-conscious writer since I began my blog in January 2011–I used to go on for days about a topic, and now I can condense that into a paragraph or two and get my point across much better. Blogging has forced me to reevaluate my writing style, and has helped me cut out some of the unnecessary verbosity as I revise and edit. My paragraphs are shorter and feel more “zingy” as a result.

Given this, how is blogging not real writing, when it requires the same amount (or often more) of typing, editing, and revising that I did while working toward my English major in college?

#3: Blogging = Written Communication = WRITING

Blogs, even and especially text-heavy blogs, communicate ideas between people, break news, and invite discussion, much as TV news stations and newspapers do. How is this not real writing, when all of these tasks are precisely what writing was first designed to do? People have been using writing as communication for over a millennium now, at least, and many forms of writing have since developed. Text-based blogging, while relatively new to the literate scene, is just as viable as any other form.

I don’t know for certain, but I have a feeling that the creator of this particular image categorizes “writing” as “creative writing” or “expository writing” only–basically, that “real writing” is only telling a fictional story or getting across an academic point. Unfortunately, that is like saying that “carrots and onions are the only real vegetables, and everything else you grow in your garden is a fake veggie;” it is a perspective that ignores every other opinion or fact as “invalid” except its own narrow, opinionated view. Writing is not only for creativity nor just for arguing points of opinion; it is also for communicating facts and discussing points, which bloggers do quite well.

In Conclusion

I don’t claim that text blogging is the be-all and end-all form of writing, but it does take time and patience to craft and complete well-thought-out articles, and it does take discipline and dedication to produce such articles on schedule every day or every week. It is no different from the other forms of writing out there, which have similar mental requirements.

Additionally, if this person and others like him/her believe blogging is so stupidly easy, I would challenge them to try keeping up a daily text-only blog for about 6 months, coming up with original articles (about 500-1000 words apiece) and fresh perspectives every day. I think their experience would teach them quite a bit about how blogging IS “real writing” if done in this way.

Tuesday on the Soapbox

The Pros of Being a Big Woman

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“Wait, what?” you’re probably thinking. “There are PROS to being a big woman, in today’s society of ‘thin is in’ and size 0-2 being glorified in every clothing store?”

Yes, there are pros. As a big woman myself, it’s taken me many years to come to terms with my shape and size since I plumped up and began to gain my adult form at 11 years old. But I’ve finally reached a place where I am content with my body whatever shape it takes. And in this skinny-crazed society we live in, it’s important for all of us bigger ladies to stop hating and punishing ourselves because we don’t “look thin” or “weigh X amount.” There’s more to fitness than just weight, as I’ll discuss in a moment.

One Important Note Before We Begin: “Big” Does Not Always Equal “Fat/Obese”

Now, I am not saying that there are pros to having severe obesity which causes medical problems. Believe me, I began to suffer a painful pre-arthritic condition in several of my lower body joints about six years ago due to weight, and through exercise I am beginning to conquer it. Body size which compromises health is something that must be addressed medically (not just with fad diets and such), otherwise one’s quality of life will wither away–I experienced that firsthand.

Fitness is NOT Measured in Body Weight Alone

BUT! My body frame is just larger than what’s considered “thin/small enough,” and I would guess that I’m not the only woman built like this. (From shoulder to shoulder, I’m 17 inches wide; from hip bone to hip bone, I’m 25 inches wide.) My shoulders and hips are just wider than some girls’, and all of my bones are thicker than most. (Even doctors have marveled at the thickness/density of my bones on X-rays.) Because of my skeleton’s structure and density, I can carry more weight without it looking like I weigh that much. Most people who look at me cannot believe I’m 300 pounds (yep, I said it–it’s just a number!); most folks guess that I’m 200 pounds or so.

Too many people focus on just their weight number, thinking that fitness is solely based on how much you weigh, and it just isn’t. There are plenty more factors that go into fitness, such as muscle flexibility and strength, heart health, joint flexibility, lung capacity, ability to walk and move easily, etc. My doctor tells me my knees are stronger and my heart and lungs are performing better than they were six years ago, yet I’m the first to admit I’m not completely fit yet.

But even with all the exercise classes I take and healthy food I eat, I will never shrink down to be a smaller woman skeletally. I will never be dainty, petite, and tiny. I am a tall woman (5’8″) with broad shoulders and wide hips. This is something I must accept about myself, because it has to do with how my body is formed at the skeletal level, something that diet and exercise cannot change. I and other girls built like me will always be somewhat larger than “model” size.

And you know what? THAT IS OKAY. In fact, it’s more than okay to be big–sometimes, there are even advantages! Thus, the reason I came up with the following tongue-in-cheek yet accurate list:

Why It’s Great to Be a Big Woman

  • Our height and body structure makes us look more authoritative/confident
  • No breast augmentation surgery needed–large breasts usually come with the “big woman” package
  • More padding, so if you fall or bump into things, you won’t break a bone or damage internal organs
  • Halter tops look great on broad shoulders and large busts like ours
  • We can use our weight against potential attackers
  • Wringing out clothes is easy–just wrap the clothing in a towel and sit on it! LOL
  • Our figures can look more like the vintage “pinup girl” posters
  • There are good men out there who genuinely appreciate our bodies
  • We got hips that don’t lie (and that can shut car doors by themselves)
  • Carrying/delivering children is a little easier (especially with our wider hips)
  • We can pull off those lovely retro-style dresses and skirts
  • Since we can carry more weight on our frames, we can usually carry heavier things more easily
  • Who needs body pillows to snuggle with when you’ve got us? 😀
Tuesday on the Soapbox

Girls Can Choose Their Lives: What I Believe Feminism/Women’s Lib Is Really About

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As a little girl growing up in the late ’80s and early ’90s, I knew without questioning that I had a smorgasbord of opportunities in front of me. I could be ANYTHING. I could play with any toy I liked, be friends with anyone I chose, read any book I wished, and dream of one day being in any career that I felt drawn to.

That freedom was something I very much took for granted. It was not until later in school that I began to hear about “feminism” and “Women’s Lib” as a social movement, and that it hadn’t been very long ago that it was considered improper for young ladies like me to just read any book they wanted, or play with any toy they liked, etc. I learned, from my own relatives and community members as much as from the textbooks, that a woman’s dress, speech, and even life goals prior to this movement had been fairly proscribed, a beaten track which you simply had to walk. The recent documentary on PBS called Makers describes the feminist/Women’s Lib movement in detail, and has in part spurred the following post.

Watch Part One: Awakening on PBS. See more from Makers: Women Who Make America.

It was downright odd to learn about the Women’s Liberation/feminist movement, especially in the context of my own life. Keep in mind, I was (and still am) the type of girl who played with Barbie dolls one minute and Micro Machines the next; I would play sports with the boys at recess and yet still play at “teatime” with my dolls at home. My toybox was a mishmash of traditional “girls’ toys” and “boys’ toys,” dressup clothes and dollhouses right alongside Legos and basketballs. If it was fun to play with, I played with it, basically. I had no idea of the “gender lines” I was crisscrossing; to suddenly learn that these choices I took for granted had once been forbidden to girls was a shock.

But this very way of life, the way of life I adopted even before school-age, is what I believe the Women’s Liberation movement was really all about, and what feminism is still about today. Yet the movement has its fair share of detractors as well as people who don’t really understand what its purpose is…and I’m sad to say some of its proponents seem to have lost sight of what the movement is really about. (More on that in just a moment.)

This issue is really big and unwieldy, so I’ll simply try to describe what I believe the movement is about in the context of what it’s meant to my life: a certain freedom of choices.

What Feminism/Women’s Lib Isn’t: A Movement for Dominating/Getting Rid of Men Altogether

Many boys and young men sneer at or don’t like talking about the Women’s Lib/feminist movement, saying that they feel threatened or even belittled by it. Some wonder about the femininity of women who join or believe in such a movement; others question why women felt the need to break out of a social role that seemed perfectly fine.

I admit, feminism does seem pretty militant sometimes, especially looking back at its history. And the imagery of a woman doing battle is somehow more frightening to society as a whole–somehow, she’s an uncontrollable, unpredictable force. (People in America have fought militantly for the rights of many other social groups over time, though–why is fighting for the rights of women still so alien to society even today?) Feminism, however, is in my opinion not about getting rid of men entirely, nor is it about absolutely dominating men the way that women were so often socially (and physically) dominated.

I am a feminist and a liberated woman, but that does not mean I want to crush male anatomy beneath my heel and crack a whip over men’s heads. All I want, as a feminist, is for female human beings to be treated as socially, economically, and personally equal to male human beings. (That particular fight is still not over, by the way, since working women still make less than working men, often at the very same jobs.)

What Feminism/Women’s Lib Isn’t: A Complete Destruction of “Homemaker” as a Career Option

This is where many of my fellow feminists slip up in their definitions of feminism. I have heard too many “strong liberated women” disparage girls and young women who have gone on to become wives and mothers rather than take a “real career” out in the world. One of my Facebook friends actually received some nasty messages about her personal choice to become a homemaker–one of them said, in part, “I guess you just want to live in the nineteen [bleep]ing fifties if that’s all you’re gonna do with your life.”

To me, this is another perversion of what Women’s Lib/feminism is about. If you look down on a woman for not taking a career outside the home, then you are in effect telling her that her personal life choice is invalid, the same way society used to tell women that their life goals to work outside the home were invalid. As any wife and mother will tell you, homemaking is most certainly a career in and of itself–a 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, decades-long career with no vacations and no paid leave, requiring physical strength and endurance as well as nurturing and patience. Feminists fought for women to have the freedom to make life choices–who then are we, as feminists, to attack another woman based on her freely made, personal life choice?

What Feminism/Women’s Lib IS: A Movement for Social/Economic/Personal Freedom

I believe this movement is, at its core, about CHOICES–the choice to live our own life dreams and to use the spiritual gifts that God has blessed us with. Not all women want to be homemakers, wives and mothers, for instance, but some do and some are. Not all women want to be career women, but some do and some are. The point is, we have that choice.

Women’s Liberation was and is just that–a liberation from absolutely having to choose “public school -> marriage -> kids” (or just “marriage -> kids”) if a woman wanted to do something else with her life. Just as men as human beings were free to choose their careers and life paths, I believe the feminist women of the Women’s Lib movement wanted and still want that same freedom of choice for female human beings. I know I certainly do.

Now, being “free” does not mean that all of us will choose out-of-the-home careers and cast off the apron forever. Nor does it mean that we will eventually do away with men completely, except as occasional, dominated sex partners. We will simply be as free as men to choose our life’s path, and to use our God-given gifts. (That day has not come yet, either–there are still many subtle social hurdles to jump before we get there.)

Tuesday on the Soapbox

9 Apps I Can’t Do Without

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Since getting my smartphone, an iPhone 4S, back in November, I’ve quickly moved into the 2010s with everyone else. I can now receive email through my phone (no more waiting for an hour on dialup to load email!), text more often because it’s easier, and most importantly, make use of great apps.

But great apps for any smartphone aren’t just the social networking apps or the games, as I’ve found out. Below are the apps I’ve used to literally revolutionize my life–all of them are free, and most of them have both iPhone and Android versions!

Alarmed

alarmed This little app has transformed the way I complete tasks and keep up with obligations. I have used it so far to keep up with household chores, pet flea treatments, meetings, reminders to do small tasks, and tons of other stuff. Now my house stays cleaner, things get done on time, and Mr. Kitty stays flea-free! I find that it’s a much more organized reminder app than the onboard Reminders app for iPhone–you can see your reminders organized by day instead of the haphazard way you entered them into the app, which for me is a big bonus.

Recently there’s been a big fuss about Alarmed dropping its “alarm clock” feature, but I find that the app is great even without the alarm clocks; plus, there’s a separate alarm clock app by the same developer, so you can download that as well. All in all, a wonderful free app.

iPhone version
Yoctoville.com (developer)

Flashlight

flashlight Before I found this app, I used to trip and stumble trying to get into my house every evening. Living deep in the forest, with no outdoor lighting to speak of and lots of tree roots crisscrossing the yard, made it an adventure just trying to get into the house at all, never mind getting in without a broken ankle. With this app, which uses the flash from the iPhone’s camera to provide light, I can now see easily and avoid any obstacles.

This is a very handy thing to have, not just for navigating tough front yards, but for finding small lost objects under furniture, for changing your tire on the side of the road…you name it! You can dial the brightness up or down, and turn it off in-app when you don’t need it anymore. The other cool thing? It’s got a compass included!

iPhone version
Android version

Google Chrome

googlechrome Okay, okay, I know, what is an iPhone user doing using a mobile version of Chrome? Simple: because Safari is slow as molasses for no reason. I downloaded Chrome after a few weeks of using Safari on the iPhone, and haven’t looked back; it loads faster, doesn’t take up near as much memory (it seems) as Safari does, and I have the option to go Incognito with my tabs if I so wish. (Now if I could just make Chrome my default browser on the iPhone, we’d be ALL good to go. LOL)

Android version
iPhone version

RedLaser

redlaser For saving money, RedLaser is a great little app. Scan a barcode off any item with your phone camera, and RedLaser will tell you what the cheapest price is for online shopping and local shopping. Using this app, I saw that I could save 3 bucks off my favorite deodorant just by buying it online, and could save almost 4 bucks on cat food by buying it from a different store than usual. These days, saving a few dollars here or there is a BIG bonus!

Android version
iPhone version
RedLaser (app site)

Echofon for Twitter

echofon I never thought I’d find an app that let me access all my Twitter accounts through one interface without logging out and back in. But Echofon does exactly that–it helps me manage my Twitter accounts for my various websites, lets me know when new people have followed or mentioned me on any of them, and I can post and read Tweets as normal. It’s been a real time-saver!

(Admittedly, I don’t know if the regular Twitter app does this or not–I could never get the Twitter for iPhone app to download, so I went with this one instead. I’ve been happy with Echofon’s performance, though!)

iPhone version
Android version (beta)

BibleGateway

biblegateway For those of you who want to have a quick reference for Bible verses literally at your fingertips, the BibleGateway app (from biblegateway.com) is a must-have. I find myself using this during church sermons, when I need to follow along with the pastor’s Bible verse references (and when I need to keep myself on-task, lol). All you have to do is open the app and search for the book, chapter, and verse you want, and the verse appears within its context! You can also choose which translation you want, or you can start reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, all within the app itself.

BibleGateway.com App Page

ScanLife

scanlife For all those neat QR codes you see posted everywhere, here’s the scanning app I use. It scans even in low light, and not only takes you to the page the QR code leads to, but also lets you share to Facebook, see what codes other people have scanned, and keeps a history of the past codes you’ve scanned in. (You can also make your own QR code for your contact info!)

Scanlife App Page

MacHash

machash If you own any Apple products (like the iPhone), MacHash is a wonderful news aggregator for everything pertaining to the Mac brand. Pulling from several dozen Mac-news websites, it arranges them by most recent, and you can easily scroll through, reading headlines. When you find a page you like, just click on it to see a quick summary, and then go on to read the full article if you so choose.

Don’t think this sounds all that exciting? For the iPhone, at least, this app has served as a troubleshooter–for instance, I had a weird problem with the Do Not Disturb feature not turning on properly. I read a few articles, learned how to fix it, and in 5 minutes’ time the issue was resolved! Moral of the story: having a mobile news source for mobile technology can definitely be a good thing!

Download for iPhone

IMDB

imdb Being able to pull up info on movies and TV shows without having to open a web browser first? EXCELLENT. The interface for the IMDB app is clean and easy to navigate, and provides you not only with the search function for the database, but also movie showtimes near you, featured articles, and the message boards as well. Great for impromptu movie outings as well as proving your friends wrong (or right) about a movie or TV show.

IMDB.com App Page

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Serving in the Church: A Solution to “College Student Drift”

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All over America, and I would guess worldwide, Christian churches lose quite a few of their young college- and career-age members to lack of attendance. This is not a new phenomenon; this age group, the very age group I’m in, is a difficult age to reach, because many of us go away from home to college and are in a totally new environment, or we’re busy with beginning our careers. But even the churches in college towns can’t often get much steady attendance from students who attend the local college(s). I should know–my church is right near a college town, and it’s rare for more than 5 people to attend either our Sunday School class or our coffee shop fellowship meetings.

Church officials and writers have been researching and writing about this issue for a long time; one recent article I found, College Students and Church Attendance: The Facts, states that church attendance by college students falls drastically as they get farther along in their degrees. Other articles seek to explain this phenomenon: Why Students Abandon Their Faith: Lessons from William Wilberforce and Why Teens Leave the Church Upon Entering College are two examples.

Many people who examine this issue blame several factors for this phenomenon:

  • The young adults are not “strong enough” in their faith to keep attending without parental guidance
  • Higher education’s atheistic teachers/”Godless” standpoints are influencing them
  • “Worldly” influences, such as drinking, partying, or peer pressure, keeps them from going to church

I admit, all these negative influences do get in the way of faith; I would add that the heavy mental load of pursuing an education (and later a career) also keep some of my age group away from the church during these years. BUT I also believe that the church in general falters when it comes to reaching college/career-age people. It can either fail to recognize or refuse to believe that its behavior toward this age group could be pushing their young adult members away, too.

An Unresponsive, Uncaring Church: A Major Part of the Problem

What do I mean by this? Think about a child, being brought up regularly attending church. He or she grows up, moving from level to level in the children’s program and then in the youth program. But once that young person graduates from high school, there is suddenly no real “place” for them in the church. There is no dedicated “young adults’ area” in most churches, not the same way there are dedicated “children’s areas” or “youth areas.” There are likely far fewer of their church friends left in the Sunday School class they get assigned to next, since so many kids leave their homes (and home churches) and go to college somewhere far away. In short, their church experience becomes far less inviting, far less familiar, just because their age changes. It’s almost like the church forgets about them, or forgets to have a ministry waiting for them and their friends when they return home.

I saw it happen to friends during college; one of the girls on my hall was very sad upon returning to the dorm one Sunday night. I asked her what happened, and she said “I went to my home church this morning, but it didn’t feel like home anymore.” There was no “group” of people her age to meet with, no one who greeted her as if they had missed her; it was as if the church had closed their minds to her when she started college. Though she attempted to reconnect with her home church a few times, she eventually quit trying to go to church altogether by the end of the year.

I’ve felt that same sort of isolation, that same sort of “twisting in the wind” feeling, as a college and career-age person myself. What if you walked into a church, even your “home” church, and had no idea where you belong, and no one greeted you or helped you, but looked at you as if you had been judged and found lacking? Would you ever want to come back? That is what many of my age group face when they go to church–they feel like they are an unwanted presence. When the church makes a college student or young career person feel like he or she is insignificant and unwanted, they do the age group as a whole a major disservice.

It’s important to remember that not all of us are out drinking every night, partying every Friday, and having random sex with strangers, nor are we all “losing our religion” because of being taught by atheist or open-minded teachers. And not all of us are so weak in our faith that we can be torn away from the church within a few weekends of being in college. True, these influences are out there, but being rejected by the church or being shoved aside is a bigger threat to college-age faith than any of the influences I just named.

My Solution: Help Us Feel Useful and WANTED!

The best way for college- and career-age people to be included in the church is to help them begin to serve in the church, assisting and even taking over ministries which need attention.

This might seem a strange suggestion at first. Why give the charge of ministries over to people who might not even be able to be there every Sunday? Why take ministries away from people who have handled them for years?

Actually, I think this line of thinking is part of the problem.

The Church Needs Young People to Serve, and We Need to Feel that the Church Wants Us

Firstly, if young people are the future of the church, as we so often like to say, then they must have experience in helping with the church’s various ministries, so that they know how to run the church when the elders have passed away. Not trusting younger folks with any assistant positions because they’re somehow “vulnerable” and “immature” will only cripple the church in the long run, because you’ll end up with a generation or two of people who simply do not know how to run these ministries at all.

Secondly, it seems at least to me that people tend to hang on to their volunteer ministry “jobs” within the church for a long time, even refusing to have any help with it at all, because it’s somehow “their” ministry. The problem: when that person dies or leaves the church, there is no one there to take up the torch and carry it again, because no one else knows how to handle that ministry. This is a HUGE problem for church longevity, not to mention the sin of pride. (Think about it: if you can’t let go of a ministry because you believe you’re the only one who can do it “right,” then are you doing it for God, or doing it for pride’s sake?)

I am most certainly not advocating the removal of dedicated and faithful church members from their long-held volunteer posts simply because younger people want to take over a ministry–that would be no kind of reward for their years of Godly service. But, perhaps as part of that Godly service, these longstanding, mature believers could use their experience to mentor and guide younger ones. It’s not about “training your replacement,” necessarily, but about creating a legacy of service and passing it down to the next generation of church members.

College/Career Age Class: Church Assistants and a Mentoring Program in One

My suggestion is: what if the older youth had something like a “shadowing” program to learn about the various ministries of the church? By asking those who run the various ministries, like the Children’s Ministry, the Music Ministry, Outreach, Sound Booth, Wednesday Night Supper, Men’s Work Day, etc., the youth could learn more about what it takes to run those ministries. Then, they could individually figure out for themselves which one they’d like to help with.

Then, once the students reach college/career age, they could begin assisting with those ministries, and even take some of them over if deemed necessary by the church leadership. Along the way, they would be mentored and guided in these ministries and in their faith by mature believers, receiving a spiritual higher education at the same time they are aiding the church itself. Not only would such trained young people be a boon to their home church, but they might even feel confident enough to help out a church local to their college area as well because they have this past experience.

Why do I suggest this course of action? Because personally, my position as a Sunday School teacher has given me more confidence within the church, and has made me accountable. If I’m not there every Sunday, it affects others negatively, and people miss me; if I want to be a good teacher of the Word, I must be knowledgeable about it and be able to point others to interpretations of it. I am one of the rare few college- and career-age people who has stayed within the church, precisely because I feel valuable and vital to the church’s workings. And I’d feel safe in guessing that others of my age group would feel the same way if given leadership or assistant positions in church ministries.

I recognize that not all college/career-age people have leadership skills, nor are all of us necessarily the most dependable. But God gives each of us a gift to share in ministry. If a church takes the time to help a young believer develop that spiritual gift and use it to aid the body of Christ, then it’s ultimately for the betterment of that young person as well as the church they attend. And it all glorifies God in the process.

Bottom Line: Connect with Us, and We’ll Connect with You

To combat these negative influences that so many church writers speak of, the church must be a vibrant presence in a college/career person’s life. The church must welcome my age group, must be willing to mentor and nurture such believers at a time when we need our church family the most, when we need a body of believers to be a part of. I think this is one of the best ways to make the church essential and relevant to my age group. Serving and being a vital part of the church has helped me grow in my faith, and I believe it can help my whole age group come back to be part of the body of Christ, too.

Tuesday on the Soapbox

For Anyone Dealing with Bullies

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I was bullied for 9 years in public school, and I’ve shared about my experiences, both emotional and physical, before on this blog. The worst part about being bullied, though, was the fact that I believed everything my bullies said about me, because I could not fathom that someone would tell me lies about myself. Others’ opinions mattered so much to me, because I believed that others dealt with me as honestly as I dealt with them.

If I could go back in time and tell my past self anything, it would be the following:

“Why do you believe what the kids at school say? They pick apart your outfits, but are they fashion experts? They bully you about your weight and what your body looks like, but are they fitness gurus? They make fun of you when you miss questions on a test, but are they at the top of their academic class? What makes them fit to judge you?

That’s right–they’re NOT fit to judge you. They are lying to you. They are just insecure about themselves, and trying to establish their own identities. They want to fit in with everyone SO BAD that they are willing to stomp on your head to scrabble up the social ladder. Pity them, don’t listen to them. Theirs are the voices of desperate, pathetic people who just want to be important.”

If you’re dealing with bullies, no matter how old you are, read the previous two paragraphs over and over again until you believe them. It’s truth. It’s a truth that took me almost two decades to figure out for myself, but it is truth. These people just want to be important, and they nitpick everything about other people because they’re terrified of being nitpicked themselves. Debunk everything they say, because it’s worthless.

So, the next time someone bullies you, pity them, mentally debunk their opinion, and keep going. And, if they give you an opportunity to speak, ask them “Why are you so obsessed with me and what I do? I certainly don’t care about you.” Being told that they are acting ridiculous and pathetic may just shut them down, especially if you answer that way consistently. These bullies may just become decent people later in life, but until then, you’ll just have to let them be pitiful little haters until they grow up.

This all sounds harsh, I know. But bullying is a real problem, and it begins with insecurity. Instead of caring so much about their opinions, just point out their insecurity and leave them to stew in it. They’ll learn and grow up, someday. Trust me–I’m actually Facebook friends with some of the people who bullied me back in the day. 😉