When you’re doing creative work, no matter if you’ve been doing it for 20 years or 20 minutes, sometimes others’ judgments intrude upon your mindset. “What would Mom say about what I’m writing?” “What would my boyfriend think of this painting? Would he think it’s good enough?” “I wonder if this dance routine is really good enough to show my dance teacher.” Those vague fears become reality when we show our hard work to someone else, and see that twist of the mouth or narrowing of the eyes that indicates they don’t quite “get” what we’ve done.

This is ultimately one of the most dangerous threats to your creativity–the judgments of other people. As creators of any type, we tend to be more vulnerable to criticism, especially in our early years, and we fear rejection of our works because our works stem from us. Someone else pooh-poohing our creations is like them pooh-poohing US, all we are, all we ever will be.

I suffer this same fear, in just about every creative aspect of my life. Somewhere in the back of my mind is a hypodermic needle full of paralyzing comments I’ve heard about my work, and every time I start to worry, it stabs my brain cells and pumps them full of uncertainty, leaving me unable to work. Why bother working, when no one but me is ever going to like it?

A Personal Example of Others’ Judgments Snuffing Creativity

During Christmas of 2010, I wrote a song about the day after Christmas. I was trying to talk about the “back-to-business” mindset of December 26th–after the emotional warmth of the holidays, December 26th always feels like a day of cold shoulders, of people shrugging their shoulders and breaking the magic spell of family togetherness with an attitude of “Oh well, Christmas is over, I don’t have to be nice to people anymore till next year.”

I wrote the song and brought the lyrics up to show my parents (always my first audience for anything). But instead of smiles and praise, I got befuddled looks, especially from Mom. Mom couldn’t understand why I hated December 26th so much–to her, it had always been a restful day, a day of relaxing after the rush-rush of the holiday season. She kept saying she “couldn’t relate” to why I hated taking down the decorations and throwing away gift wrap (some of the symbolism in my song, depicting how the warmth and love of the holiday season is “taken down and thrown away” after Christmas).

No matter how much I tried to explain it to her, that it wasn’t about the decorations or the gift wrap but about the sudden lack of caring for other human beings that I mourned, I couldn’t get through to her. Finally, I went away, completely dejected; she hadn’t understood me. Had I lost my gift for writing songs? She always used to enjoy what I did, but this felt like a total rejection of everything I’d been working on.

I haven’t shown her or Dad another song since, and for a long while I went without writing a song at all, convinced that I had “lost my touch.” It made me sick to even look at the keyboard anymore.

Why My Reaction Was Wrong

Though my reaction was natural (at least for me), it was the wrong way to look at it. Yes, Mom usually likes my songs and understands them. But the law of probability says that at least a few times, even our parents won’t understand what we’re saying/doing/thinking. Instead of letting one negative critique bog me down for what ended up being over a year, I should have continued to work on my songs.

For instance, I could have reworked the song to make it more understandable (even though I thought it was already perfectly understandable and didn’t want to make its sentiment too painfully obvious). I also could have set the song aside as a failed project and come back to it when I was less emotionally invested in it or upset by it. What I should not have done, in any case, was to let one perceived “failure” eat me and my creativity whole.

How I Can React to Criticism Better

The following realizations helped me finally pull out of my self-hatred spiral and emotional creativity block:

• Others’ judgment is others’, and not my own. Mom, and everyone else in the world, is allowed the right not to like or understand my works, and that doesn’t make them any less if I still find value in them. I still have a need to create and a need to express, regardless of what someone else says about it, and if it helps me, it’s done its primary job.
• I have to know that what I’m creating is the best I can do, right now. If I’m not putting whole heart and whole soul into it, and I’m not making the best effort, then I need to either get my head in the game or leave the project alone. And if I’ve made my best effort and someone else still doesn’t like it, that shouldn’t be my problem to solve.
• If I don’t leave myself room for improvement, I’ll always be hamstrung when it comes to creative works. If I keep feeling like everything I do has to be absolutely perfect and fully formed like Athena springing from Zeus’ brow, then I’ll feel too daunted to do anything.
• I can’t allow others to discourage me from continuing my work, either directly or indirectly. Others who criticize and offer no constructive help are, as I’ve found out, generally a wee bit jealous. Others who don’t understand the work or make no attempt to understand before walking away from it literally cannot be a focus of worry (otherwise I’ll drive myself nuts).

It’s Not About Others’ Judgment, but About the Work Itself

If you’re a creator and often get daunted or discouraged by others’ comments or opinions, much like me, then I hope you take away from this article the knowledge that your work IS good enough if you find value in it. If you find awesomeness in your work, and it helps you emotionally and mentally to create it, then it’s helping someone, and it’s worthwhile to someone, even if only one person ever sees it or values it. Creative works are not just for other people, but for the self…perhaps even especially the self.