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Tuesday on the Soapbox

The Reigning Queen of Mondegreens: My Misheard Lyrics

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Despite my love of literature and music, and despite my aptitude for both subjects, I am laughably terrible at deciphering verbal words, whether spoken or sung. Mumbled speech or not looking directly at a person’s lips while they are speaking leads to hilarious misunderstandings. And, as you’ll see in the following blog post, trying to decipher sung lyrics from a song can result in awesomely bad mondegreens.

Definition of a Mondegreen

From Dictionary.com:

mondegreen: a word or phrase resulting from a misinterpretation of a word or phrase that has been heard. (Origin: 1954; coined by Sylvia Wright, U.S. writer, from the line “laid him on the green,” interpreted as “Lady Mondegreen,” in a Scottish ballad.)

Some Examples


Song: “Shotgun” – Jr. Walker and the All-Stars; tune video to about 0:25

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“Shoot ‘im ‘fore he run now” “Shoot up Orville Redenbacher”

Upon hearing this song for the first time as a 10-year-old, I turned to my dad and asked, in this horrified voice, “Why do they wanna kill the popcorn man?!” LOL


Song: “Mickey” – Toni Basil; tune video to about 1:45

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“I’ll take it like a man” “I’m kinky like a man”

…My lyric makes sense, doesn’t it? Kinda…sorta? 😛


Song: “Hungry Eyes” – Eric Carmen; tune video to about 1:00

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“Hungry eyes” “Come three eyes”

Okay, okay, in my defense, I was 3 when I first heard the song… xD


Song: “Devil with the Blue Dress On/Good Golly Miss Molly” – Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels; tune video to about 2:05

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“See Miss Molly rockin’ in the house of delight” “See Miss Molly rockin’ in the house with good light”

And this is why you enunciate your words when you sing! Otherwise, people can hear all sorts of strangeness. 😛


Song: “Jesus Loves Me” – traditional Christian children’s hymn; tune video to about 0:34

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“They are weak but He is strong” “They are weak but He is JOAN!”

I never heard my Nannie laugh so hard as when I sung my version of “Jesus Loves Me” on the way home from Sunday school one morning. I think there’s a rather incriminating tape of this lying around the house somewhere… xD


Song: “You Sexy Thing” – Hot Chocolate; tune video to about 0:18

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“Where ya from, you sexy thing?” “What is wrong, you sexy thing?”

Until about two weeks ago, I thought my hearing of the lyric was correct. My boyfriend, whose ears seem to be incredibly accurate lyric-picker-uppers, corrected me. 😛


Song: “You Really Got Me” – The Kinks; tune video to about 0:33

Actual Lyric The Lyric I Heard
“You really got me!” “You really got mad!”

I went around singing this as a little kid, completely oblivious to my mishearing, till all the adults in the room busted out in big ole laughs. 😛

BONUS: Mondegreens from Mom and Dad

Apparently, I get this “talent” for mishearing lyrics honestly. Here are some of the mondegreens Mom and Dad have come up with over the years:


Song: “Five O’Clock World” – The Vogues; tune video to about 0:20

Actual Lyric The Lyric Mom Heard
“It’s a five o’clock world when the whistle blows” “It’s a five o’clock world and the wind’s so cold”


Song: “I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)” – The Rolling Stones; tune video to 0:10

Actual Lyric The Lyric Dad Heard
“I can’t get no girl reaction” “I can’t get no gut reaction”


Song: “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” – The Beatles; tune video to about 1:00

Actual Lyric The Lyric Mom Heard
“I can’t hide” “I get hives”


Song: “Dance to the Music” – Sly and the Family Stone; tune video to about 1:05

Actual Lyric The Lyric Mom Heard
“I’m gonna add some bottom” “I’ve got a handsome bottom”


Song: “Black Water” – The Doobie Brothers; start video at beginning

Actual Lyric The Lyric Dad Heard
“I built me a raft and she’s ready for floatin'” “I built me a refuge, she’s ready for clover”
Tuesday on the Soapbox

Exercise to Fit YOUR Life

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One of the stupidest things I think I’ve ever tried to do is take up early-morning running as an exercise routine.

Why do I consider it stupid for me? Because I’m a) not a morning person, AT ALL, and b) I hate pointless walking and running. And yet, I attempted it, for a few days at least, because I had been coached by every fitness guide and every social more that running was a “real” exercise, regimented, routine, and perfect. Even though I hated every minute–no, wait, every SECOND–I kept trying, because I thought this was the only way to start getting “really” fit, to be considered “working out.”

You can imagine how long it took before I gave up on that particular exercise routine, and with good reason. It simply didn’t fit my life, my personality, my schedule–it just didn’t work for me. I believe that many people are making this same mistake when they choose their exercise routines.

Why Would We Force Ourselves to Do Un-fun Exercise?

There are many reasons for this, I believe. Maybe we’re all hearkening back to gym classes of yore, doing the exercises we were taught were “good” for us. Maybe we’re merely mimicking what friends and relatives do, or what society’s social guidelines tell us is “real” exercise. Heck, maybe we’re just doing what our buddies are doing because we don’t want to be alone while we exercise.

But when we do not put real thought into matching our exercise to our lifestyle, our personalities, even our likes and values…well, we end up giving up on it after a while, don’t we?

Choosing a Fun Exercise Does NOT Mean You’re Weak!

Exercise is not punishment. I’m going to repeat that–EXERCISE IS NOT PUNISHMENT. And yet, this is how many of us view it, because pain and humiliation is all we have experienced in association with exercise.

For instance, the sharp pain of shoulder bones, spine, and hip bones grinding against the glossed gym floor beneath you as you try to do crunches. Or the incredible pressure in your wrists, hands, and toes as you try to lift yourself up off the ground into a push-up; grunting and sweating as you try and try (and fail and fail) to lift your own body weight, feeling the silent judgments of everyone else in the room as you do so. (I recount merely my own experience with such grinding, tedious exercises, and yet I’m sure I’m not the only one with such a tale to tell.)

When this kind of exercise routine is touted as “real” exercise, with no “fun” alternatives for the layperson, is it any wonder most of us who need exercise the most have given up on it entirely? When exercise is associated with severe discomfort/pain, plus the feeling of “never being able to get it right,” who in their right minds would WANT to inflict this on themselves?

I’ll admit, exercise, especially for the person who is out of shape (like me), will involve SOME pain and some extra effort–but it should not leave you absolutely bedridden the next day. Maybe “real” athletes and fit people will think I lack willpower and am just whining, but I speak as one who is not training for the Olympics or trying to win a marathon. I just want to be able to walk down the stairs without pain in my joints, and walk up the stairs without being out of breath.

I think most ordinary people would agree with me on this score. It is not that we are weak or unworthy folk–it is that we are not as far along on the “fitness” continuum as others may be. And that is not a crime, to have to start at the beginning when it comes to fitness.

Choose an Exercise That You Can Enjoy and Actually Do

When I say “start at the beginning,” I mean both physically and mentally. We must start with exercise that trains the muscles gently at first, getting us used to exercising again; we must also start with exercise that we enjoy, that fits into our schedules and brings out the best in our personalities instead of the worst.

For instance, I never succeeded with a workout routine for very long until I joined the Zumba class, as I have mentioned in this blog before, back in April of this year and June of last year. Being as musical as I am, and enjoying Latin dance music and R&B music as I do, Zumba appealed to me from a mental and emotional standpoint. Not only that, I love to dance and like to learn about different dance moves; I usually pair simple physical moves with the music I’m listening to anyway.

So it was natural and logical that I should enjoy the Zumba class, because it appealed to a natural strength in me (music) as well as an interest (dancing). Though it was difficult at first, especially when I tried to do absolutely EVERYTHING that the very fit instructor was doing, I still had a little fun attempting the moves. That little bit of fun, plus the unexpected camaraderie I found with my Zumba classmates, brought me back the next week. And the next. And even the next.

I don’t think I’m unusual in continuing with an exercise that I enjoy, versus trying and failing to keep to an unnatural routine. But everyone is different: there are people who will enjoy a 5 a.m. run much more than they would enjoy a Zumba dance class, for instance. I may not understand why they would choose to get up so horribly early, or why they would choose to run pointlessly, but I can’t put my judgment on their choice of exercise; it’s what works for them, just as Zumba works for me.

Selecting Your Perfect Exercise Style

Think about your body’s natural state.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? Do you find yourself energized by exercise, or soothed towards sleep? Asking these kinds of questions about how your body normally is will help you figure outwhat time of day you should exercise.

For instance, I’m a severe night owl (if I’m up at 6 a.m., it’s probably because I haven’t been to bed yet), and exercise makes me all warm and sleepy. Thus, an early-morning exercise routine would not work for my body’s natural state (I’d be a very cranky zombie all day), but my Thursday evening Zumba class fits me just fine–I can wake up later in the day if I need to, and after Zumba I can come home, shower, and actually get to bed before midnight. 😛

Think about your favorite hobbies, especially anything involving physical movement.

What do you like to do with your free time? What are your interests? These can point the way to a general style of exercise you’ll enjoy best. A love of basketball or affinity for watching basketball games may just translate itself into a daily half-hour practice at the local basketball court with a few friends, for instance.

For me, my love of music and dance translated itself perfectly into Zumba; I get to hear about an hour of good dancey music, and I get to learn new moves, all while dancing in the same room with other people. It’s almost like rehearsing for a dance performance, the way I did when I was a little girl–there’s the same kind of social group formed by the class, and the same kind of rush when you finally learn how to do that stinkin’ turn just right. 😛

Think about what you realistically have time for.

What does your daily schedule look like? How about weekly, or monthly? Being realistic about what time you can carve out for exercise is important to fitting it in and making it part of your life. If you’re always running around doing errands from morning to evening all week and barely have any time to breathe from Monday morning to Friday evening, then trying to fit in exercise during the week is probably not going to work for you. But doing some exercise on Saturday and Sunday might be just the ticket, instead.

I wasn’t sure that the Thursday night Zumba class would work for me in the beginning; however, it fit into an “empty” night that would have otherwise been a night for me to lay around being bored at home. Though I’m involved in other church and community activities on other weeknights, Thursdays have stayed my Zumba days (thankfully!). This has kept me coming back to class, when perhaps otherwise I might have let it go after a month or two.

Think about your exercise personality.

Do you enjoy the serenity of a solid, unchanging routine, or do you get easily bored without something different to do every time you exercise? Do you prefer to focus on perfect form and pinpoint muscle toning, or do you prefer to do exercises that feel more like useful, everyday activities? Answering these questions will help you figure out what specific kind of exercise you’d enjoy doing.

For me, I hate doing pointless, repetitive exercises that seem to have no bearing on real life (I have the same problem with math, LOL). Zumba is neither repetitive nor pointless–I get to learn new moves every time I go, which keeps it fresh, and the dance moves can be translated to my free time (and music-listening time) very easily. 😀

Summary

Exercise must be fun if it’s going to be done. It may sound trite, and the rhyme may sound dumb, but it’s the first truth about any physical activity–it must be enjoyable. It also must fit into your life, blending with everything else you do and everything you value. After all, if your exercise routine isn’t fun, doesn’t mesh with your life, and feels pointless, it’s probably not going to be “your routine” for long!

Saturday with the Spark

Chord Colors: Perfect Pitch and Synesthesia

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Last year, I referred to colors and music as being completely intertwined in my head–it’s a positive condition known as synesthesia, or as I like to refer to it, my “brain feature.” Every time I listen to music, my inner sight explodes in colors; it has always been this way, even when I was a very little girl and wasn’t as involved with the production of music as I am these days.

Though I’ve shared this particular picture with you before, here is my complete, colored piano scale, created by my combination of perfect pitch and synesthesia:

This pitch-color connection is an instantaneous response to music, something I don’t have to think about to “see;” it’s just there. And today, I thought I’d share some of that experience, in the form of created images capturing the colors of various musical chords.

(Before we begin, please excuse the relatively low artistic quality of these images; I can’t quite seem to recapture exactly how each chord “looks” to me when it is played, but I have done my best. :P)

B-flat Major


To me, B-flat, whether major or minor, has always had a little shade of darkness to it on the “left” side of the pitch; it’s not sad or evil darkness, just kind of shaded. Here, the B-flat major chord is described, with shadowy teal, light blue, and bright green (B-flat, D, and F, respectively).

B Minor


The 80s called and said they want their pastel palette back. LOL! This is how B minor looks in my head–a wash of lilac and white in the background (the note of B, with the lightness of the major chord), with a little light blue (D) and deep blue-green (F-sharp) mixed in. It’s a gracefully beautiful key, but also somewhat reserved and icy-feeling.

C Major


C major has always appeared bright and colorful in my head–almost too colorful! The golden-yellow C, the pale pink E, and the bright red G are a bit jarring together; this color combination is probably why I associate C major with childhood, especially toys. But you can’t say C major isn’t cheerful enough! 😛

C Minor


In stark contrast to the brightness of C major, C minor has always seemed broodingly dark, even a little slinky, especially with the red of G combined with the red-orange of E-flat and the gold-to-black gradient in the background. (The added darkness in the background is nearly always present in my head when minor chords are played, excepting B minor.)

C-Sharp Major


This is the only key for which very bright silver sparkles appear scattered across the background; I’ve done a poor imitation here, but this gives some idea. The bright green of F and the rich blue of A-flat do not overpower the deep violet and silvery shimmer of the background, which is possibly one reason this is my favorite key to hear music in.

C-Sharp Minor


I love both the major and minor keys of C-sharp, and with good reason–the tones are beautiful, as are the color combinations in my head. In its minor form, C-sharp’s violet is darker, with less emphasis on the sparkles in the background, and the light-pink E adds a more monochromatic dimension to the chord color. I can become wrapped in the chord very easily…it’s melancholy and yet beautiful.

F Major


F major, like C major, is very bright and happy, with the off-white A and deep golden C accenting the vibrant green F. It feels festive and unapologetic, which might be one reason I’ve always associated the key of F major with celebrations and lots of people.

G Major


Can’t miss G major! :O What an explosion of nearly-patriotic colors, with the powerful red G, soft lavender B, and bright blue D. This key feels energetic and powerful, even when it’s used for an easygoing song–I guess it’s all that red. xD (Odd fact: as American as this particular chord palette looks, it’s interesting to note that our national anthem is usually sung in A-flat major instead of G major. Oh well, there’s no accounting for my brain’s sound-color associations!)

To Learn More About Synesthesia

Synesthesia @ Wikipedia.org
Mixed Signals–for synesthetes and non-synesthetes alike
American Synesthesia Association
The Synesthesia Battery of Tests–find out if you’re a synesthete, too!

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Repurposed: Old Shoulder Strap on New Purse

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I’m something of a purse aficionado (I write this whilst staring at a mound of empty purses from childhood in my closet…LOL). But, in recent years, I’ve stopped buying tons of different purses, and instead turned my attention toward getting one quality purse that goes with everything.

Up until a few days ago, I was carrying this one, discovered at a TJ Maxx store:

I found it to be a great, perfectly-sized little purse–when it stayed closed. Unfortunately, it had a nasty habit of popping open by itself, at all the most inconvenient times (during rain, while just walking down the street, etc.). The clasp on it was never meant to hold fast against all that I’d stuffed into it, and I had found no way to edit down what I was carrying. So I knew I probably needed to invest in another one that closed more tightly, at some point.

But I’ve always been very picky about purses, and I had liked this purse because it had such a long shoulder strap. I prefer to carry my purses with a long shoulder strap across my body, so I don’t have to hunch my shoulder up to carry it (and so potential thieves can’t take it easily). I knew what I was looking for when I eventually went shopping for a new purse, but I dreaded the process.

When I finally did decide to go hunting for a new purse, though, it didn’t take long before this one caught my eye. It was black leather, simple zip-top style, had tons of room in it, and was on sale. SOLD! 😀 😀 😀

I purchased it and got home with it…and then realized something. There was no long wraparound shoulder strap with this new one, only a short over-the-shoulder strap. I would not be able to carry it as I had been accustomed to doing. 🙁

I realized this as I was just in the middle of transferring all my stuff from the old purse to the new. After a few moments of self-ridicule, I thought, “Well, poot, I’m gonna have to go right back and return this thing!” But just as I was thinking that, my eye fell on the long shoulder strap of the old purse. Specifically, I caught sight of how the long shoulder strap was attached to the old purse.

That’s right; the shoulder strap could be unclasped from the old purse entirely. And since the old purse was black leather, the same as the new, I just unclipped the strap from the old purse, and clipped it onto the strap buckles on the new purse.

I’d really need to model this for you to show how well this works, but since I don’t have anybody to help take pics, this will have to do. I know it looks like a mess of straps, but this actually works a whole lot better–I can carry more without worrying that my purse will pop open unexpectedly, and yet I can still carry it looped cross-body stye for safety and security. This has made life much easier already! And the leather of the old purse’s strap blends in beautifully with the leather on the new purse; it doesn’t look like an add-on, but looks like it was always meant to be there. WOOT!

Just goes to show you: if you buy something that turns out to be not quite what you expected, or doesn’t quite suit your needs, look around your house before returning it. You might find a way to make your purchase work, just with a little repurposing!

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Why, Yes, That IS So True: Slices of Life in Animated GIF Form

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If you’ve never been to That’s So True, you’re missing out on countless chances to LOL. Using animated GIFs of scenes from movies, TV shows, and Internet comics, submitters to the site tell their own funny stories–and believe me, there are quite a few gems to find!

Below are some of my selected favorites from That’s So True, simply reformatted for my blog. Enjoy!

I Identify with the Second GIF xD

when i’m cleaning
with music Icon
without it Icon

I Used to Live in Fear of These Moments…LOL

telling my parents something funny Icon
then they take it seriously Icon
and turn it into a life lesson Icon
and you just sit there like… Icon

True, Especially When It’s Too Hot to Move

What you think you’re gonna do during summer Icon
what you actually do Icon

Graduation at Various Levels of School

elementary school Icon
middle school Icon
high school Icon
college Icon

What always happens at Olive Garden

Super full from the all-you-can eat breadsticks and salad Icon
waitress comes with your entrée Icon

…This Face is Usually Accompanied With a Gasp and “…No!”

when your favorite character dies in a book Icon

This Happens to Me EVERY. TIME.

start to clean your room Icon
but then you find somthing you loved as a kid Icon
3 hours later Icon

Have I Ever Mentioned How Much I Hate Auto-Playing Sound? xD

Have a million tabs open on your computer Icon
mysterious music/ad starts playing Icon
scrambling to find source of sound Icon
Tuesday on the Soapbox

Try the “White Slime” in NEW and IMPROVED Ammonia/Spoiled Flavor!

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A few days ago, I got a few chicken tacos from my local Taco Bell, fixed like I always have them fixed–just chicken and cheese. (It’s been months since I’ve eaten the beef at Taco Bell because the quality has REALLY gone down, at least in my opinion–more about that later.) But the chicken has usually been a refuge for me.

I bit into the first of my tacos, only to realize that the chicken had an unusual sharp flavor, almost a cleaning-product flavor. Not only that, but it was oddly-textured. One more bite, and I realized there was another dimension to the bad taste–it tasted off, as if it had been kept past its expiration date.

As I peered into the depths of the taco shell, wondering if I’d gotten hold of some strange ingredient by mistake, a piece of “chicken” fell out…and it didn’t look the slightest bit like chicken. Instead, it looked like something that had been formed into the vague shape of chicken pieces. The color was nearly pure white–it almost looked like meat fat that had been reshaped.

I honestly don’t know what I got hold of that day, but all three of my tacos were like this–I tried bites out of each one, in the hope that maybe only one or two was affected. That wasn’t the case. Unfortunately, it was what I had spent my eating money on that day and I had long since left the store, so I had to try to salvage what I could of the meal. I ended up eating around the meat entirely and just throwing away the horrible “meat” product I had been served.

This disgusting taste, plus the slight nausea and dizziness I experienced about an hour and a half after eating what I could, convinced me that I had gotten hold of something terrible. And it looked and tasted a lot like what most people are describing as “white slime.”

What Exactly IS “White Slime?

The technical term is “mechanically separated chicken” (some pictures are available here). During mechanical separation, meat is basically sieved like flour (just under really high pressure) to get all the bones out, making it look a lot like meaty cake batter.

While the process sounds (and is) a little disgusting, in ways, it’s a more efficient way to get all the meat off an animal carcass, and it does reduce waste. And, after all, mechanically separated meat forms bologna and hot dogs, two things I’ve eaten in great quantities most of my life. In fact, this process has probably helped food prices over the years since it was introduced back in the late 1960s, according to the Wikipedia article.

So What’s the Big Deal?

There have been health concerns about MSM before, especially concerning connections between mechanically separated beef and mad cow disease. But, since outlawing beef from mechanical separation, this has been widely reduced. Unfortunately, keeping mad cow disease out of the meat does not stop other health concerns. The standout issue to me is that both mechanically separated chicken (“white slime”) and pork (“pink slime”) are treated with ammonia to kill bacteria before being packaged.

Knowing that ammonia is poisonous, and knowing that it’s used in a lot of industrial-strength cleaning supplies, this bothers me. Is ammonia what I was tasting in those tacos? Was the meat perhaps treated a little stronger with “bacteria-killing” solution to disguise the fact that it was a little past its expiration date, perhaps?

I worry that the addition of ammonia is actually making the meat product less nutritious and more poisonous. Whatever was in those tacos (whether it was simply spoiled meat, ammonia-treated meat, or a combination of the two), it did make me nauseated and dizzy afterwards, and I don’t usually react badly to any food. I don’t have the answers, but I do have some disturbing questions which need to be answered. Are we cutting corners too much just to make a profit, if slightly-spoiled or over-treated meat products are now being served?

The Wider Picture: General Fast-Food Quality

In the last few years, quality in fast-food cuisine has gone measurably down–I used to love Taco Bell’s ground beef, for instance, but ever since they got sued over it recently, the taste is no longer rich and slightly spicy, but kinda flat and over-reheated. Most people I talk to don’t seem to notice a difference, but then again, I get my tacos without lettuce, tomato, and sour cream, so the flavor of the meat itself is not overshadowed for me. I’m left wondering what exactly I’ve been eating all these years, to be honest.

It’s not just Taco Bell, though; foods at other fast-food restaurants that I used to love are no longer as good as what I remember, and I’m a very picky/sensitive eater, so I pick up on taste subtleties more often. The “cleaning flavor” has been sneaking into other types of food, too, and I’m wondering if the addition of ammonia is as necessary as people make it out to be.

Now, I know fast food is definitely not health food, but at least it’s supposed to taste like food, right? Even if what I got in those terrible tacos wasn’t “white slime,” I’d like to know what it was (or what it was supposed to be). The production of “white slime” and “pink slime,” while having existed for decades, seems to have taken a turn for the worse, and I’m afraid it’s mostly because of the bottom line.

Summary

More (and professional) research is needed to discover whether these strange tastes are a result of individual franchisees trying to stretch their dollar, or whether corporations are trying to cut corners to make a little more profit. But I really hope we all can get to the bottom of why cheap food production seems to be going a little too cheap. After all, when one cannot afford to eat anywhere but fast-food places, as is increasingly the case, that cheap and available food should still be edible!

For More Information

Mechanically-separated meat (MSM) article @ Wikipedia
Meat Product Chart @ ProPublica
Specified Risk Material article @ Wikipedia
Meat slurry article @ Wikipedia
Pink and White Slime: Videos @ Gothamist

Monday in the HTMLab

Phrases Webdesigners Say

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Author’s Note: This is done in the style of the popular “S–t ______ Say” videos and articles; I thought it would be a fun twist to include webdesigners in the scope of this meme. Enjoy!

  • “REALLY, Photoshop? You decide to crash RIGHT in the MIDDLE of my huge photo edit. Great.”
  • “I just woke from the most horrible dream–I dreamed I uploaded index.html and it killed my whole site!”
  • “Can I absolutely position this code where the sun don’t shine?”
  • “Don’t talk to me right now; I have to finish this pixel alignment first.”
  • “Am I REALLY going to have to put this layout in a table format to make it look right?”
  • “…*really big sigh* Go away, Internet Explorer. Just go away.”
  • “What the–‘Database parsing error?’ Are you KIDDING me?!”
  • “Ugh, I can’t go to sleep yet–these two divs just aren’t lining up straight.” (OCD, much? xD)
  • “No, I’m not going to the movie tonight. I have to stay home and update my websites…”
  • “Parse THIS, MySQL!”
  • “Whoever designed this buggy, horrible script deserves a sentence of 15 years–15 years of browsing the Internet with IE 6.”
  • “I have never wanted to strangle digital code so badly in my life.”
  • “What language am I even coding in anymore? Klingon?!”
  • “Okay, there is no reason this code should even work…but it does. Okay, fine, HTML, whatever.”
  • “I think I’m tied to the rails that Ruby’s on.” (reference)
  • “I’ve tried padding, I’ve tried margins, and I’ve tried absolute positioning. The only thing I haven’t tried is smashing the keyboard with my face.”
  • “…Shoot, it works. There IS a God.”
  • “Oh, Save button, I love you. Let me count the ways…I love that you save all my grueling HTML edits; I love that you never forget a single keystroke.”

…And Yes, We Really Do Say This Stuff…

Most of these are (sadly) direct quotes from my webdesign experience. Do you have any funny phrases you’ve uttered during your coding experience? Share them in the comments!

Tuesday on the Soapbox

Broken Toys, Broken Worlds: A Wish to Fix Them Both

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A huge toybox sat in the 3-to-5-year-old Sunday school room, stuffed to the gills with an assortment of donated toys. Our church was small and funding for toys was rather low on the list, so a good number of the toys were either missing pieces or broken. Us kids were pretty rough on ’em.

Most of the kids in my Sunday school class gravitated toward the new and shiny toys, the freshly-donated toys whose stickers hadn’t worn off, whose colors were still bright and whose plastic pieces were unscratched. In typical childlike behavior, those were the toys that got played with the most; the ones missing pieces, the ones whose joints had fallen apart and whose screws poked out, were buried in the toy coffin–I mean, the toybox.

Mine were the only little hands to delve into that graveyard of toys and dig out the broken ones.

Every Sunday I found a new “project” to work on, every time our teacher was finished with the Bible lesson and let us play a little while. One Sunday it was a jointed doll whose leg had fallen off; I found the doll’s leg stuffed inside a jack-in-the-box, and reattached it by the end of Sunday School that day. Another Sunday it was a cardboard religious puzzle set, with one piece torn in half. With a few strips of tape on the back, I fixed the torn piece so that I could put the whole picture together again.

Being such a bringer of chaos as I was then (I could un-straighten a room in 5 seconds, given a free moment with an open toybox), this was inexplicable, that I should want to fix broken toys rather than play with shiny new ones. But I followed the same practice at home, fixing up the toys I accidentally broke in too-zealous play, even if they sometimes ended up in a wad of scotch tape or rubber bands. I just hated the sight of a broken toy–it made me horribly sad, even at a young age.

I don’t really know why I have always been drawn to broken toys, and drawn to fix them in particular. After all, I’m not much of a handywoman, nor do I own a set of tools. My fixes weren’t always the most professional-looking, either. (LOL) Maybe it’s because a broken toy feels like a visual representation of lost childhood, lost innocence, broken childlike trust. Something twists, in emotional pain, when I see a broken toy, and I long to fix it so that everything is “right” again. Seeing a fixed toy, seeing it work like it’s supposed to again, always made me irrepressibly happy–I’d usually jump around and do some kind of happydance when everything was “back to normal” again.

Fixing the Broken World: Too Idealistic, or Someday Possible?

These days, I wish the world could be fixed with such simple implements as tape, rubber bands, and glue. It makes me just as sad to see others arrayed against each other in violence and hatred, leaving broken humans in their wake. Since I was a child, I’ve often thought of playing my music and reading my writing to the world, to help put back together what has been shattered so often. People have told me that my writing and music brings peace to them, and it certainly has brought that to me over the years as I created it.

It would be wonderful if the same art that has lifted me up and kept me going could someday keep others going, too; it wouldn’t be just an ego boost, but a true life’s purpose for me. Who knows, maybe the idle dream of making everybody feel better through my writing and music is too childlike, best left with the Barbies and Legos. But perhaps I’m still in the business of fixing broken toys–maybe I’m just aiming for slightly bigger toys, now.

Tuesday on the Soapbox

The Difference Encouragement Makes

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Can you believe it’s been over a year since I started Zumba? I sure can’t. I didn’t think I’d ever find an exercise program I’d go back to twice, let alone keep attending for thirteen months. And yet, I have. What an odyssey to get even this far! And how much I have changed, physically and emotionally!

Before: Fearful, Uncertain, and Doubting

When I started Zumba back in June 2011, I was uncertain and afraid. I worried I’d be judged by my classmates, feared that the instructor would be a drill sergeant, and was scared that I wouldn’t be physically capable of doing any of the exercises. But most of all, I worried that this would be yet another notch on the “failed-exercise-attempt” post.

After all, all my other attempts at doing exercise over the years had failed. Back in middle school, I was too busy being victimized and bullied about my weight to really understand/do exercise; in high school, I avoided gym class like the plague for that very reason. And by college, my knees and ankles had taken so much of a beating that exercise was painful and frightening. Even after college, when I knew I needed to get fit and wanted to try, all the types I tried were lonely and boring (as I have written about before in October of last year and January of this year).

Why The Fear and Doubt Receded

But surprisingly, this attempt succeeded almost from the beginning, and has continued to succeed. Why? I believe it’s because of all the positive encouragement I received.

For one thing, my fellow Zumba class members are all cool people, most of them just like me, trying to get healthier instead of trying to show off perfected moves. I don’t feel intimidated by anyone else, and I don’t feel like they’re judging me, either. Instead, I feel that I’m in a class of my peers, peers who offer compliments to each other and support when needed.

Secondly, the instructor from whom I began taking Zumba classes truly took time to teach the moves rather than just expecting us to follow along. I never felt utterly lost the way I used to feel in other exercise classes. And the best thing? She offered positive reinforcement and urged us all to just “keep our feet moving,” not to worry about doing the moves perfectly. Instead of demanding we follow exactly as she demonstrated, she encouraged us to do only what our bodies were capable of, so that we would not hurt ourselves.

For me, a lifelong self-destructive perfectionist, that was a blessed relief to let go of that worry. She helped me see that I COULD do the exercises, and never let me discourage myself out of coming back to class. “You may not do these moves exactly the way I do,” she said once, “but if you’re moving at all, you’re going to help yourself feel better over time.” She was right.

The Result of Encouragement: Positive Change

Because of the encouragement I found in both my classmates and my instructor, I now believe in myself a lot more, and I’m beginning to have fun, too. It is possible to have fun doing full-throttle, sweat-inducing exercise–I never believed that before. Slowly, exercise has gained positive associations in my mind: where before it was always associated with shame, pain, and lack of ability, now it is associated with camaraderie, fun new challenges, and the thrill of being able to do more and more.

I think the lack of proper encouragement holds many people back from exercise these days. Either they try to do it all by themselves and end up feeling lonely and bored, or they try to exercise in a place that does not offer social encouragement and support. As I told my Zumba instructor, “I had to change mentally before any change could take place physically”–and I believe that. I had to feel that exercise was a positive experience worth having before I could convince myself to stay with it. Encouragement filled that gap for me.

Some Encouragement for You

I hope, if you’re reading this article and are trying to get in shape, that you will look up positive, encouraging people who know a lot about fitness and health to help you on your own fitness odyssey. Having people who can guide you as you try to get healthy makes such a positive difference. I didn’t think it would, until I experienced it for myself.

But I also hope, if you’re reading this article and know someone who’s trying to get in shape, that you will reach out to them and become a buddy to them, helping in any way you can. Heck, even if you see someone else at the gym who’s struggling along, I hope you’ll reach out and be kind to them. Positive encouragement from you could mean the difference between them coming back or them leaving and never returning. You never know!

Saturday with the Spark

The Lost Song (A True Story)

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In January of 2011, I had written a wistful, prayerful contemporary Christian song, titled “Adrift,” and performed it for my church. They enjoyed it, and I loved singing it because it was a way to worship. Once I had performed the song, however, I moved on to composing newer songs and working on other projects. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would perform the song as it existed then.

Sickness, Difficulties, and Losses

A few months later, I began to fall ill repeatedly, suffering strange new headaches that lasted up to 3 days and were not treatable with any medicines. My will to create, my will to write and sing and play, were thus taken from me, since I sometimes suffered up to 10 headaches a month like this. Soon, weeks went by in which I was never without burning, crushing head pain, whether I was sleeping or awake.

It felt, as spring blossomed into summer and summer faded into fall, that I was living 25% of my life. I went to bed feeling like I had been run over by an 18-wheeler, and woke up feeling like I’d been run over by a school bus. And the constant pain, which got worse if I tried to sleep it off and never truly went away, about drove me nuts. During this time, I also lost the use of my laptop for a little while (due to someone else’s carelessness), and that added stress didn’t help my health much. My mental creativity stunted, my physical energy sapped, and my creativity-producing machine gone–it felt as if I were getting slapped around by life.

Finally, during a routine visit to the dentist in October 2011, we discovered that my wisdom teeth were severely infected and had to be removed. The subsequent oral surgery in early November not only pulled the sources of infection from my jaw, but also seemingly got rid of those burning, never-ending headaches. At last, I could live my life again! I thought everything would be back to normal concerning my creativity, so I could get back to doing what I loved–writing and polishing my prose, poetry, and music.

Not so, as I found out. A mere month after my surgery, my poor injured laptop’s hard drive died, and the data on it was completely irrecoverable. All the work I had done since June 2010 was lost–including the lovely song I had written and performed almost a year previous. All I could remember, because of my grave illness and all the stress, was the title. No lyrics, no melody…no nothing. I mourned it along with the rest of my lost works, knowing that with my forgetfulness, I would likely never remember it.

A Little Scrap of Unexpected Song

I was horribly sad over this, but at least I could comfort myself with a large fraction of my work, which I could still build off of. Slowly, I began to amass more works, though they were nothing like what I had lost, I knew that.

In the middle of all this personal, creative rebuilding, my boyfriend and I had gone to the movies to watch The Avengers when it came out, and I was reminded of how much I had liked some of the other Marvel movies that had come out before, especially Thor, which had come out in March 2011, during the first stages of my terrible headache/wisdom tooth infection.

I ended up borrowing the movie from my boyfriend’s family, then buying a copy of my own, since it had quickly become a favorite of mine. (And, as is my wont when I really enjoy a film, I had already watched it several times back-to-back-to-back. xD)

But it was during one of my many repeat plays, as I watched the scene in Thor where Loki discovers he is not truly Odin’s son, that a little scrap of song started playing in my head. Occasionally this happens to me, where a character or a mood will inspire a new song within my head–it’s a great way to get new ideas. And, since I had composed very little during my illness, I was understandably stoked.

“COOL, I finally got an idea for a new song,” I thought, watching the evocative, sad scene play out as the plaintive, new little melody curled around my brain cells. The melody ached, expressing such wistful sorrow that it nearly brought me to tears. And then…something in the tune jarred memory awake. “Waitaminnit…” I thought, analyzing the short little melody. “That tune–oh, my God, that’s ‘Adrift!’ That’s my lost song!!”

Rebuilding The Lost Song

You never saw a chick pause a movie and run down the stairs to get to her piano keyboard so fast. In minutes, it felt like, I had reconstructed not only the chorus melody, which was the first bit I had remembered, but I had also gotten back the melodies for the verses and the bridge. Not only that, but some lyrics were coming back, too, albeit slowly and in pieces.

A couple of frenzied rebuilding hours passed, and I was able to get back 90% of the original song, with new lyrics put into the places I simply could not remember. I was overwhelmed with the creative urge–after all, my lost song had come back after I had feared I would never, ever remember it all.

Though I am still a little sad for the bits of lyrics I can’t remember, the new lyrics seem to fit even better than the old ones, at least in my estimation. This gives me hope that perhaps all of my lost works, all the little stories, poems, and beginnings of songs, might one day come back better than ever, too, after being cast “adrift” in the void of memory.