Tag Archives: humor

Into the Abyss–I Mean My Purse

Like most women, I have a pretty heavy, stuffed purse (some folks have referred to it as “the bowling ball,” lol). But unlike most women (or at least most of the bloggers I’ve seen), I don’t carry a beauty department with me wherever I go.

Of course I have the necessary items–a wallet, for instance…
wallet

And I carry a few pencils and keys with me…
pencils_key

But that, y’all, is about as normal as my purse gets. Let me show you 😀

My Purse: A Mishmash of Tech and Survival Kit

ipod_flashdrives
This is quite possibly the most important thing in my purse, besides my iPhone (with which I was taking these pictures). This little camera case holds my iPod, its cord, and 3 flash drives which are backups of all the files I have on my computer. (After the hard drive disaster I faced last winter, I will NEVER go without backups again.) So in one case, I have my music for my car, plus all my files if I feel the need to work on something while out and about.

gridit_organizer
This is the other really important item I have–my little Grid-It organizer, stuffed full of survival items. (Well, maybe not REALLY survival items, but as close as I can get!) I’ve got:

  • a Tide To-Go pen for spills and stains (I need this a lot, lemme tell ya)
  • Advil, Aleve, Advil Migraine, and a couple of prescriptions
  • Neo To Go antibiotic spray for wounds (because I hurt myself accidentally throughout the day)
  • Bobby pins and safety pins (in the Altoids Smalls tin, as seen below:

safetypins

And of course, any survival kit like this would not be complete without:

firstaidkit
Yep, that’s right–I carry Band-Aids, wet wipes, and even a bit of gauze with me in my purse. My friends and I are so accident-prone (well, mostly me :P) that you never know what we’ll need!

Aside from such techie and health-related gear, I’ve also got a few slightly more mundane items in my purse:

notepad_earbuds
A paper notepad and my faithful earbuds…

pockettool_iphonecord
My “not-a-pocket-knife” thing (has nail clippers instead of a blade, lolol) and my iPhone cord for connecting it to my computer…

brush_elastics
My one concession to vanity–a foldup brush/mirror combo and a D-ring chock full of hair elastics. (Because sometimes, long hair becomes a bothersome mess. LOL)

elastics
I spotted this trick on one of those life-hack image things, and after I bought a 3-pack of D-rings for keys at my local Dollar General, I quickly put it into play. VERY handy, not only for elastics, but for all the little things that get lost in a purse so easily!

Summary

Now that you’ve glanced into the abyss I call my purse, what do you think? Am I crazy to carry all that stuff with me, or is this just a function of how mobile our lives are today? 🙂

Tongue-in-Cheek HeroClix Powers

For this week’s post, I was inspired by Magic: the Gathering’s joke card sets (Unglued and
Unhinged); I wondered what it’d be like if HeroClix had a whole slew of joke powers and figures. Here are a few I came up with:

Funny Movement Powers

Place Legos

A character possessing this power can place up to 4 Special tokens while moving. Opposing characters who cross one of these spaces have to stop; they are dealt 1 unavoidable damage and given 1 extra action token immediately. (Because stepping on a Lego automatically means hopping around in crippling pain!)

Vine Swing

This character can move between any two squares of Hindering Terrain, provided that the line of movement does not cross more than one square of Water or Clear terrain (and crosses no Blocking terrain). (Should the Tarzan yell be a requirement for using this power?)

Funny Attack Powers

Whine

(Prerequisite: “Kid” keyword)

When this character is adjacent to an opposing character, roll 1 d6 at the beginning of your turn for each opposing character this one is adjacent to. If the result is 5 or 6, place an action token on the opposing character. (Because you can only put up with whining for so long…)

Duct Tape

When this character attacks an opposing character, place a Duct Tape token on the opposing character’s card. Until your next turn, that character may not attack or move adjacent to any opposing or friendly character. When your next turn comes, remove the Duct Tape token, and that character takes 1 unavoidable damage. (Duct tape: the fastest way to stop somebody from talking. XD Also, ripping the duct tape off is extra revenge… LOL)

Funny Defense Powers

Oh No She Didn’t

When attacked, this character may immediately make a counter-attack as a free action, with +1 to their normal attack value. (Add a Z-snap if you wish :D)

On the Throne

This character cannot be the target of an attack if he or she is on a square of Hindering Terrain representing a toilet. (“I’ll be out in a minute!!!”)

Funny Damage Powers

Pen Poke

When this character is adjacent to an opposing character, deal damage to the opposing character at the beginning of your turn, rising incrementally every turn that the two are adjacent. (Example: 1 damage first turn, 2 damage second turn, etc.) Defense modifiers come into play as normal. (Because poking someone with a pen usually just gets more and more violent until you get their attention…)

Sriracha Attack

(Prerequisite: “Bottle of Sriracha” Item)

A character possessing this power and holding the “Bottle of Sriracha” may attack as normal. When opposing characters are damaged by this character, they take normal damage, then take 1 unavoidable damage on each of the next two turns. Opposing characters holding the item “Glass of Milk” are not affected by the unavoidable damage. (Those of us with no spicy food tolerance know how accurate this power is!)

Cooking Fails: I’m Not Alone!

cf_triplelayerfail
My cooking fails are pretty legendary (not quite as legendary as this triple-layer-fail above, but pretty amazing). From burnt popcorn that set off my dorm’s fire alarm to Hamburger Helper that overflowed out of the skillet and covered about half the stove, I’ve made some pretty big kitchen bloopers in my day. But it looks like I’m not the only one with problems in the kitchen–at least, if these pictures are to be believed!

cf_literalfail
Someone took the directions a little too literally–and mathematically. XD

cf_friedeggs
We’re having fried eggs for breakfast…and fried shells, too, apparently.

cf_chewycupcakes
The plaintive note along with the aforementioned chewy cupcakes makes this all the funnier.

cf_burnedpancake
Hey, I’ve made those pancakes before–they make great Frisbees!

cf_coffeepotpasta
This is, um…a rather creative take on boiling pasta…

cf_meltedcuttingboard
Mmm, melted cutting board, my favorite!

cf_lackofmuffintin
I’m sensing a distinct lack of a muffin tin here.

cf_electrickettlefail
Yep, that’s an ELECTRIC kettle burned onto a stove eye. I think Grandma may have been oblivious to what “electric kettle” means.

cf_riceclump
I’ve heard of sticky rice, and I’ve heard of rice cakes. This right here is a giant rice CLUMP.

cf_superboiledegg
That egg is not just hard-boiled, it’s PURPLE-boiled.

cf_flamingpasta
Um, I know dry spaghetti looks like long fireplace matches, but dang.

cf_explodingcan
Methinks somebody microwaved this can with the metal lid on.

cf_unrecognizablenom
Whatever this may have been before the oven got to it, it is now “Unrecognizable Nom.”

cf_rackedpizza
cf_rackednom
cf_holeynom
And these three images teach us that food should never be cooked on a bare oven rack…

cf_burnednom
Yep, I’ve burned several thousand calories with this method, and it did help me lose weight–sorta, in a roundabout way…LOL

cf_plasticstirfry
In case you were wondering, plastic doesn’t really cook things that well on the stove.

cf_slicedmac
This has to be the laziest addition of cheese to pasta I’ve ever seen.

cf_flamingoven
Pro tip: When there’s heat in the oven, that’s a good thing. When there’s an actual FIRE in the oven, something is WRONG.

The Pros and Cons of Straight Hair

There are quite a few blog articles out there about dealing with curly hair, but not a lot about straight hair, I’ve noticed. Most folks believe that curly hair is the harder type of hair to deal with, whereas straight hair seems “easier.” As an owner of straight hair, I believe I may be able to set the record straight (hee hee) about how it is to live with straight hair (and to love it, in fact!).

A Little Background, Please

I’ve had stick-straight, fine hair my entire life, and up until a few years ago, I despaired of being able to do anything with it. With my oval face shape and curvier body size, big, glossy, voluminous curls looks REALLY great on me…BUT they take many hours and lots of product to achieve. (And even then, the curls aren’t guaranteed to stay. See: prom night, when I let down my sponge-rollers after 17 hours of letting my mousse- and gel-soaked hair dry in them…and promptly saw that hard-won curl relax into straightness again. Much ARGH.) And what about the Great Brillo-Pad Spiral Perm of 1991? Let’s just not go there. :S

But a few years ago, I realized that even though I didn’t have the big amazing curls I thought I wanted, I did have something quite lovely in its own regard; straight, shiny hair.

straighthair_texture
This is how my hair dries naturally, with no product in it at all–glossy, smooth, and straight. For years I bemoaned the fact that I could do nothing “cool” with my hair…not realizing that this style was “cool” in and of itself. There are curly-haired girls who get up extra-early every morning and work for two solid hours to get their hair to look like this (much to my surprise!).

straighthair_length
I’ve generally kept my hair long and center-parted like this, and so I’ve ended up with a head of fairly easy-care hair, quite by accident. Many women cannot say that; they continue to fight their natural texture every day, as I did for several years. I suppose the big difference is that I finally got tired of fighting my hair texture and decided to run with it instead.

So, without further ado, I present to you “The Pros and Cons of Straight Hair;” straight-haired girls will probably nod and laugh, and curly-haired girls may just sit and wonder at how the “other half” lives. LOL

Pros of Straight Hair Cons of Straight Hair
  • No need for frizz serums
  • Very, VERY shiny 😀
  • Looks tidy and sleek without much effort
  • Smooths down flat to your head for sophisticated updos
  • Braids easily
  • A little easier to detangle (note, I said “a little”)
  • Easy to part
  • Things wash out of it easily (shampoo, peanut butter, marinara sauce…hey, I have long hair that likes to dip itself in food occasionally)
  • Strong, doesn’t break off easily
  • Want volume? Really? Seriously? Uh, NO.
  • Barrettes, clips, and bobby pins slide right out of your hair if they aren’t glued in or cemented in with hairspray (NOT kidding)
  • Shows greasy roots/excess hair product very easily
  • “Bedhead” texture = not cute with straight hair. More like “strung-out-on-something” texture.
  • Hair elastics must be wrapped around the hair 3 or 4 times for it to hold the hair firmly enough
  • Curling your straight hair? Don’t bother if your hair is longer than shoulder-length; the sheer weight of your hair will drag the curl right out in MINUTES.
  • Hairspray turns straight hair into an unmoving mass, like a frozen curtain
  • Any clip or barrette that has been put into your hair runs the risk of leaving a very noticeable “dent” in your hair when it’s taken out (very unflattering)

What do you think? Have I hit the nail on the head (or the hair)? 😛 Let me know in the comments!

How Do You Pronounce “HTML?” (And Other Funny Pronunciations)

As webdesigners and developers, much of our work is nonverbal–we simply type it, upload it, and that’s that. But I find that when I’m drafting code, especially very difficult or time-consuming code, I end up saying what I’m typing as I go along (usually under my breath in a really irritated tone, LOL).

As I was debugging a particularly annoying piece of code for my upcoming video games fansite the other day, it occurred to me that I was doing this. Not only that, but I’d come up with some pretty strange pronunciations along the way…pronunciations which my brain considered “correct,” but which sounded pretty silly coming out of my mouth!

Check out the list below, and compare them to your own pronunciations–do any of yours appear here?

My (Strange) Mental Webdesign Pronunciations

  • HTML: Hut-mul
  • px: Picks
  • src: Surc (like “surf” with a “c” at the end)
  • CSS: Suss
  • $variable: CHA-CHING! variable (I kid you not, I caught myself doing this xD)
  • em: um
  • href: Huh-reff (all one syllable)
  • &nbsp: Nus-bup (yes, I know it doesn’t match the spelling, but it works)
  • valign: Vee-align
  • GIF: Jif (because gif with a “guh” sound at the beginning sounds wrong for some reason)
  • ?>: Huh? bracket
  • //: Suh-slash

And the piece de resistance…

  • if (!isset($var)): if MEEP! izzet CHA-CHING! var
    (with “var” pronounced like the first syllable of “varmint”–hey, I’m from the South, all right? xD)

Anybody Else Do This?

Have you ever noticed yourself doing this, or have you come up with your own pronunciations of various webdesign code? Let me know in the comments!

A Most Useful Meme: Actual Advice Mallard

With the emergence of so many new memes across the Internet, it can be hard to pick out the best and brightest. One that I think deserves a lot more recognition is the “Actual Advice Mallard” meme–each one contains clever and useful life advice, a life hack, or a handy tip to make things easier, printed on a picture of a green-headed (male) mallard duck.

Here are just a few samples of Actual Advice Mallards from across the Internet:
adviceduck_1

adviceduck_2
This REALLY works, and not just for pizza–it works for any food that you want to rehydrate after a night in the fridge!

adviceduck_3

adviceduck_4

adviceduck_5

adviceduck_6

adviceduck_7

adviceduck_8

adviceduck_9

adviceduck_10
Very, VERY wise words…

adviceduck_11
(Important note: Check the Wikipedia page’s sources and make sure they are reliable and trustworthy before putting them on your source list–the content of your paper is far more important than not sourcing Wikipedia in your bibliography. This advice brought to you by a former English teacher.)

adviceduck_12
(Also known as: Don’t argue back while your parent is talking.)

adviceduck_13

adviceduck_14

adviceduck_15
Such appropriate advice for our time.

adviceduck_16

adviceduck_17
I’ve tried this fix, and it absolutely works–I’ve got two pairs of pants I’ve fixed with this advice.

adviceduck_18

adviceduck_19

adviceduck_20
Very important, especially while outside in direct sunlight!

adviceduck_21
Steam, also known as “the lazy person’s iron.” LOL

adviceduck_22
This needs to be plastered on every road billboard in my town.

adviceduck_23
From experience, I can say AMEN to this!

adviceduck_24

adviceduck_25
For all us job seekers out there!

adviceduck_26
SUCH TRUTH

adviceduck_27

adviceduck_28
I’m going to print this and put it in my wallet…XD

adviceduck_29
I can’t believe I never thought of this!

adviceduck_30
Something to keep in mind, especially for the summer months here in the Southeast!

adviceduck_31
Never knew about this little keyboard shortcut!

For More Actual Advice Mallard:

(Warning, some Actual Advice Mallards may have curse words)

Actual Advice Mallard @ Tumblr
Quickmeme
Memestache
Memebase

“Well, It’s Fixed, Ain’t It?” Crazy and Hilarious Repairs

The Internet is chock-full of people repurposing items…but the people responsible for the following set of pictures took “repurposing” to a new level. Repairing various items with only the tools and materials on-hand sounds like an admirable, MacGyver-esque task, but sometimes, the results are less than professional and more than a little crazy.

Each of these pictures features a “kludge” (a funny/crazy repair of this sort)…scroll down and get ready to laugh and/or be amazed!

chaircouch
Well, it does the job well enough, I guess…

doorbellwires
I dunno about you, but I think I’d just knock.

onionringheater
When you don’t have an oven or a microwave…use a space heater!

flashlightheadlight
Replace the headlamp, you say?…NAAAAH!

coffeemakerkludge
This coffeemaker’s lid has been pried open, the filter looks like repurposed paper, and the coffeepot doesn’t even fit under the spout. This is about as kludgey as it gets.

softtarpcar
Well, the good news is that their new soft-top (soft-tarp?) kinda matches the car paint…

wrenchlock
When you REALLY don’t want anybody getting into (or out of) the house.

buggyswing
All’s well until those chains break and send kids hurtling away like rockets!

hangerovenrack
No, no, I meant put the hangers on the CLOTHES rack, not the OVEN rack!

pringlescanengine
This looks like an engine fire waiting to happen.

outboardbabyseat
I don’t think the child safety belts will reach out the back that far.

carmod
Good news: this car is now road-trip-ready. Bad news: no more seeing out the back window.

ducttapecupholder
I’ve heard of using duct tape for everything, but using the whole ROLL on ONE thing? LOL

coneholecover
Well, I guess this kinda covers the hole in the road. Sorta.

suspendedfloorfan
When you absolutely NEED a fan pointed in a certain direction, at a certain height…

randomspoiler
Not sure whether this guy was trying for a super-cool spoiler or a radio antenna with better range.

powercordkludge
I love how most of it is wrapped around with yellow electrical tape, as if that makes it 100% safer.

frankencar
It’s a Frankencar!

404tilenotfound
So, someone is familiar with the Internet, but not tile repair.

schoolchaircarseat
Of all the chairs to put in a vehicle, they chose an uncomfortable-as-all-get-out plastic school chair?

See more hilarious kludges at: There, I Fixed It

Browsing the Humor Section on Pinterest (Yes, It Exists)

Contrary to popular belief, Pinterest is not just a pictorial haven for wedding planning, DIY projects, crafts, and beauty tutorials. It also boasts a fairly robust humor section, which most casual users may not know about. People have pinned a variety of hilarious images from hundreds of websites–here is a small selection (read to the end for the “Piece de Resistance”):

studyingforfinals
Especially on math finals…”yeah, yeah, I know some of these variables!” xD

howmad-is-she
That’s one savvy florist right there.

spiderweb-karate
I call it “web-fu.”

giantbunny
Why does this bunny exist? Likely because somebody was BORED. LOL

jesuswashere
*snort*

schooltruth
I remember these days all too well…

popcorneating
Second pic needs a “NOM NOM NOM” caption so bad. xD

bmi-tooshort
Looking on the bright side of the BMI chart…

badday-toiletpaper
Spiteful toilet paper.

90watermelons
Math books always seem full of these ridiculous word problems…lol

camerafail
EVERY. TIME. Photography fail. LOL

kid-angryallday
This note begins with a roar and ends with a mew. Aww.

chefgordon-ginger
Wowwww…a Harry Potter/Chef Gordon reference mashup. xD

catfacts
What a cruel, unusual, and hilarious phone prank…

littlethor
Very punny, Thor, very punny.

drseuss-starwars
Cookie on my Wookiee, xD! (Also, why is Yoda semi-quoting Mister Ed? LOL)

nicenormalfamily
I need this sign, so badly.

theotherday
Accurate description of Southern slang. 🙂

friendshiptruth
So precise a description of modern “friendship,” it hurts.

childindisguise
OMG, it’s not just me!!!

toiletpapertruth
You know, I never gave this much thought until now…LOL

werk-it
I see a future in high-fashion editorial modeling for this kid. Not sure why. LOL

signingcollegeloans
I think the “for all eternity” line applies to how long you’ll be paying said loan off!!

gotmyhairdid
At the intersection of “Awww” and “What the?”…

tbbt-themesong
The Big Bang Theory song with ragefaces–scarily accurate. (What are ragefaces, you might ask? This KnowYourMeme article shows you.)

geeklife
Be proud to live the geek life.

newpunctuation
I need the Sarcastises and the Sinceriod in my life. 🙂

neighbelline
Ah, the world of high fashion horse modeling…

catvengers
Nick Furry! LOL!

ET-thriftshop
Here is the song this picture references–the semi-quoted line appears toward the end of the song.

superman-plane
So THAT’S how they do it!

oldfriends-newfriends
Look on the bright side–everybody will be new and interesting again!

5situps
Hey, I can count this as part of a “daily workout,” right?

fraternity-dad
Never saw one Post-It note so full of “Aww” and “Fail” and “LOL” all at once.

And Now, the Piece De Resistance (Be Ready to Spit Out Drink/Fall Off Chair)

food-realnames

See more of what tickles my funny bone over at my humor board, For Love of LOL. Also, you can browse the Humor tag on Pinterest, as seen below:

sourceoflol