In very involved gaming, whether you’re playing an opponent on the other side of the Internet or on the other side of a table, sometimes communication can break down. Sometimes, you can forget you’re playing against another human being.

As many online gamers can likely tell you, there are some opponents who are so hardcore that they can’t lose a game without cursing you, your mama, the last breath you took, and everything you ate for supper. It’s like they forget they’re not playing a computerized opponent, and take out their frustration on another human being, who will react and remember what they said.

Other times, two gamers simply won’t talk to each other at all. A series of hand gestures (some vague, some rude in several countries) takes the place of verbal communication at a table; a series of acronyms and emoticons takes the place of typed words on a computer screen. Never have I seen the gulf between people widen so much as when they’re either talking heated politics or conducting a tooth-and-nail game.

We as gamers have to remember to treat each other like human beings, and part of that is communicating. To help us all communicate better while we game, I’ve listed some quick tips for improving how we talk to each other, so our games are fun rather than boring or irritating.

Tip #1: Opponents Aren’t Mind-Readers

Whether you’re playing a big game of Magic, an MMO like City of Heroes, or even a game over XBox Live, remember that your opponents (and your allies, for that matter), are not privy to the decision-making process going on in your head. If you want to charge ahead and pwn some bad guys way ahead of the group, that’s great–but no one else will know if you don’t tell them, and you might get everyone into an ambush that no one else is prepared for. If you’re playing your super-epic card or miniatures combo that allows you to win the game if no one else counters it, that’s great…but you have to speak it aloud to give someone else a chance to respond.

I learned this the hard way; a few years ago, I was playing in a giant 8- or 9-person group Magic game at our local gaming shop. I was playing a fairly basic life-gain and prevent-damage deck, as is my wont, while most of the other guys were playing cutthroat beat-butt decks. I had the card Test of Endurance in my deck, which I played on about turn 8; it would let me win the game if I ever reached 50 life at the beginning of my upkeep.

I played my turns quietly and without much comment, as the other guys at the table were busy thrashing each other and countering spells that seemed more important to them than mine. Thus, it was a complete shock to everyone at the table when it came round to my turn and I said, “Okay, I’m at 50 life, I win the game.” One of the guys especially, named Jordan, took special offense to what I’d done. “You didn’t even announce what you were doing every turn!” he said, indignant. “I had no idea what you were doing the whole game!”

Jordan’s rant was half typical-teenage-boy-nerd-rage, half real gripe. He hadn’t been paying attention to my strategy at all because he considered my strategy not worth his time, but I had made no effort to make him pay attention. I had not been communicating effectively, and thus he felt blindsided and cheated out of a good game. The fault lay with both of us, for not communicating or listening effectively.

Tip #2: Let People Know Clearly What You’re Doing

Another time, very recently, I was playing in a Clix tournament against one of my newest Clix buddies, a guy named John. During the game, I was using my Night Nurse character to do several Support rolls to heal up various members of my team, since John’s ranged-damage strategy was quickly ripping holes in my defenses. When it came around to my turn, I was feeling the pressure of the timed tournament round, and did not announce that I was making a Support roll before rolling the dice.

John stopped me as I gestured toward the dice, showing him the result. “Wait a minute, why are you just randomly rolling the dice?” he asked, his voice getting a little more heated.

“I was making a Support roll,” I replied, a little bit more tersely than I should have.

John’s response was to direct a question to my boyfriend, the resident Clix judge seated at the next table. “Can you just roll the dice without calling what you’re doing?” he asked, clearly annoyed.

My boyfriend did agree that I needed to make it clear what I was rolling the dice for before I did anything, but let this instance go in the interest of time. Thereafter, I clearly stated what I intended to do before doing it; John’s irritation, while mild and transitory, did remind me I needed to be better in my in-game communication.

Tip #3: If They Question Your Strategy, Don’t Be Offended

If a Magic opponent wants to read the rules text on a card or miniatures figure and question the validity of your strategy, do NOT (and I repeat, do NOT) take it personally. In order to have a genuine, good game experience, you need to make sure both players are on equal footing rules-wise. Finding out later that someone cheated during a whole game? NOT fun. So, if your opponent wants to see for himself or herself what your strategy is based around, then let them see your gaming materials.

This can go for all other games, too–make sure you’re following the rules of the game whatever you do, otherwise you’ll have some ticked-off opponents. Nobody likes to play against someone who’s cheating at everything; by the same token, you’ll have a better experience if you know for certain that your strategy is valid and it wins genuinely. (Don’t make the mistake I did and include too many copies of an awesome card in your Magic deck by mistake. Nor should you completely misread the rules text of a HeroClix figure, thinking it can move and attack like Hypersonic only to find out mid-game that it can’t. LOL)

Tip #4: If All Else Fails, Call a Judge or Game Official

If you and your opponent simply cannot work out a dispute on your own, it’s important to either look to online rulings resources for your game, or to talk to a judge/game official who knows the rules really well. (My boyfriend is pretty much the “rules guy” in every game he plays, so I often find myself asking him about various rulings that seem like they should work one way, but don’t really.)

Going to the source of information about a rulings dispute is important for resolving a problem–otherwise, the communication between your opponent and you is going to dissolve into a “I-said/you-said” argument. This way, you get a clear and objective vantage point on your disagreement, and you can quickly get back to gaming afterward.

Summary

Gaming together should be fun for you and your opponent, not a minefield of tension and anger. Keeping pleasant, thorough communication going the whole time helps a game feel…well, like a game, and not like work. Try some of these tips at your next gaming session, and feel for yourself how much happier the environment becomes!